What you see here friends and neighbours is a rectal prolapse, and a particularly nasty example of the condition it is too. This is where one's jacksy malfunctions so radically that instead of ridding one of faecal matter, it decides to effectively shit itself out. It is one of the worst disasters that can afflict an arsehole. As such I thought it a perfectly appropriate symbol for last night's local election results.
Oh, today has been a perfect orgy of schadenfreude. Listening to the dimwitted NuLabour hacks and weasels trying to spin their way out of this one has been a cornucopia of delights. The Boy Dave and Calamity have been crowing with great abandon, as well they might in the aftermath of this massacre and the spectacle of Spongebrain Fudgepants (aka G. Brown, our much loved PM) trying to appear empathetic to the wishes of the electorate brought tears to my eyes (I'm blow drying the tears of mirth from my clothes as I type).
My jubilation is tempered however as I digest the import of what all our politicos are spouting. I can't help but feel that the real significance of this round of elections has been missed by a country mile. I hear the usual bollocks about education, schools, house prices and the so-called 'credit crunch', but are these issues the ones that provoked such a kicking at the ballot box? I somehow doubt it.
I think the rage and disaffection manifested last night has it's roots in matters far more mundane. We've suffered through ten years of a government which has grown more and more illiberal, intrusive and divisive with every passing month. A government which can't see a British institution, from the constitution to the village pub without surrendering to the impulse to fuck around with it until it dies. A government which preaches democracy to all and sundry while simultaneously and sneeringly denying the same to it's own electorate.
Don't mistake me, people have an almost limitless capacity for stupidity and I suppose that's one of the reasons that our politicians think they can get away with anything, but if history teaches anything it's that eventually even the most ovine population will get wise. The irony is of course that NuLabour, however shite they are (and they are shite) didn't have to be in this mess. If they understood anything at all about the British people, they would have known that the golden rule is simply to leave us alone. That's it, the wisdom of the ages in three little words, Leave. Us. Alone.
But lefties simply can't do that. We have to be improved d'you see, for our own good of course, but improved nonetheless. That means badgering us all to fuck about everything we do, whether that be hunting with dogs, smoking, eating pies, disposing of our rubbish, driving our cars, insulating our homes, choosing the products we buy, owning a handgun, blah, blah, blee, blah; it just goes on and on and on ad nauseam.
People are sick. Not just of NuLabour, but of all you sanctimonious, preaching, illiberal, intolerant, interfering fucks. Think I'm wrong Dave? Nicky? Well, when you get your hands on the levers of power (not you Nicky, obviously), just try giving us any more of the same and we'll put you out on your arse. And we won't wait ten years to do it.
It's somewhat akin to tickling a thoroughbred's nipsy with a straw. The horse'll put up with it for a while, and then he'll decide it's time to kick your brains out. Brits are like that.