Look what we have waiting for you
Hard on the heels of N-Power's outrageous co-opting of children to the greeny 'crusade', the outstanding Spiked! presents us with something even more egregious.
‘Imagine if every child in the country channelled their Pester Power in service of the Glorious Green Future.’
Yes, you read that correctly...
This is no idle dream. Greens seem determined to convert the nation’s children into environmentalist versions of Mao’s Red Guards, the blindly-revolutionary youths who spearheaded China’s disastrous Cultural Revolution.
It may sound like hyperbole, but it isn't. Some morally impoverished sack of shit by the name of James Russell has excreted something masquerading as a book, under the title How to Turn Your Parents Green. Well, it didn't work quite so well on me, as it only succeeded in turning me several shades of puce.
It seems that having failed spectacularly to pull the wool over the eyes of most sensible adults, the eco-comrades have legitimised targetting children for their filthy brainwashing techniques.
Lee Jones, the author of this excellant if enraging article, makes the predictable connection with Orwell's Spies but here the reference lacks the tinge of cliche and is grimly apt.
Kids should patrol for ‘poisons’, demand they be replaced with eco-friendly products, monitor the depths of baths and put time limits on showers; they should start ‘griping for organic carrots’ and clothing, insisting on walking instead of taking the car, ensuring taps aren’t running and toilets aren’t flushed (‘if it’s yellow, let it mellow…’). The list goes on, and an escalating system of fines is to be collected weekly from ‘transgressors’ of the children’s Glorious Green Charter.
Where to next I wonder? Incorrect thought? Incorrect philosophy? Reading material? Viewing habits? Oh yes, this sounds like the foundation of a happy home and a society comfortable with itself. Can't wait.
There is something simultaneously foul yet almost pathetically hilarious about these people. A brainless catastrophic misanthropy yoked to a mind that plainly functions, but in some warped parallel reality.
What to do with creatures like this? Individuals who want our children re-modelled along these lines...
James Russel's favourite masturbation fantasy perhaps?
...or even this?
...I'm leaning towards force-pumping their rectums full of boiling concrete before flaying their hides and recycling them to make bog-roll for leper colonies.
They're eschewing half-measures. So should we.