Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Chapati, Sodomy and the Lash...

The original Vikramaditya, earlier today.

Lurking around the net earlier today, I made a regular stop at Samizdata where Michael Jennings was kind enough to share some of his photos with us insular types. One of which was a photo taken in a Chinese port, featuring an aircraft carrier with decidedly Russian naval architecture.

That stirred my curiosity, so I searched for further information. I didn't get quite what I expected though. One of the images spat out was for the INS Vikramaditya.

A bit more digging gave me this:

A big, naughty boat, earlier today.

This was formerly the Admiral Gorshkov, which began it's life as the Aviation Carrier Baku, withdrawn from Russian Navy service circa 1993.

She's now to the best of my understanding with the Indian Naval Service renamed Vikramaditya.

Now don't misunderstand me, if India wants a deep-water navy that's fine by me. If India wants Soviet built hardware, that's fine likewise; I have a soft spot for Russian ship design, they have a knack for elegant multi-purpose solutions after all.

No, what bugs me is that our cretinous PM recently announced this.

Why are we funding a military spending splurge in the Indian Ocean. Why are we effectively buying India force-projection hardware that the RN can only dream about, while all our armed forces are scraping around for basic kit?

Why are we cursed with a government of such stupefying idiocy and wastefulness?

It fucked my New Year up, just thought I'd share the love.

All the best for 2009, but I'm not exactly bursting with optimism.

Monday, December 29, 2008

This the MTK Home Service, Here is the News...

A view from the studio, earlier today...

A New Year message to the Government, the Department of Health, the Home Office, ASH, CRUK, the BHF, WRAP, Alcohol Concern, the Hamster Marketing Council, the Haemhorroid Management Foundation and all the rest of you interfering, lying, useless, sponging parasitical bastards.

As of midnight, December the thirty-first 2008 I am appointing you all to take over as my Sexual Advisory Council, so that in the future:

A triumph of optimism over experience, earlier today.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Another Xmas Present...

An addition to the ranks of the right-thinking is this chap.

Lots of jolly good sense. Carve yourself off a thick slice, and enjoy with a large scotch.

A merry Christmas to my reader (you know who you are, Mrs. Flange of Didcot), and a more hopeful New Year.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Thought For The Day

A Tab Packet, earlier today.

Could the Christmas truce of 1914 have been possible without cigarettes? Discuss.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Of Openings and Things...

The Upper Chamber in a Constitutionally bearable state, earlier today...

Following the thrills, chills and spills of a twelve-hour night shift, I decided to watch the State Opening of Parliament this morning.

I suppose it was much as I expected. BBC/Nu-Labour waffle from the usual suspects, followed by the arrival of HM and her supporting cast.

What I wasn't fully prepared for was the feeling of numb despair and fatigue that enfolded me like a clammy, piss-soaked horse blanket for the duration of the proceedings.

The camera panned around the Upper House, and I found myself sighing at the endless parade of failures, halfwits, crooks and nonentities filling the chamber. From the toad-like incompetent Lamont to the scheming bladder of festering shit that is 'Lord' Mandelson.

When HM arrived I felt crushed under the conviction that she may as well have been paddled across a septic tank in a rubber dinghy as make progress into that place. I was overtaken by the miserable realisation of the sheer hollow pointlessness of the whole circus.

The relentless blathering of Huw Edwards with it's flatulent cargo of meaningless platitudes about democracy, sovereignty and the rest simply served to throw into sharp relief how our most cherished institutions have been devalued to the point of meaninglessness.

The sight of that arch-cretin Martin, trailing the risible Serjeant at Arms in his wake (an individual who reminded me of nothing so much as the Mekon with a terracotta paintjob and a bad wig), the whole sewer full of elected shite following on was an image of arse-clenching infuriation.

As for the speech? I retained sufficient will to listen to it, and fortunately the current raft of crises served to partially plug Nu-Labour's legislative cloaca, restricting them to a mere eleven bills. Needless to say, elementary decoding allowed me to foresee still more tax-payer's money being hosed at bullshit something-must-be-done initiatives, with a rich topping of miserablist neo-puritan strangulation of any human happiness.

The Ship of State is riddled with teredo, and I don't know how the timbers can be renewed.

Another year and a half of this? Shoot me now. Just get it over with.


It was fifteen pieces of twattery. I suspect I blanked out four bits while in the grip of Peri-Traumatic Stress disorder.