Courtesy of Samizdata, this fun little gewgaw.
My fellow Americans, today is a moist day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "dishwasher", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually grope.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces ugly and feculent challenges like never before. Our economy is flatulent. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for goitres. Our healthcare system is foul. If your sphincter is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a solicitor. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a bat divebomber. But fondling together we can right this ship, and set a course for Stoke Poges.
Finally, I must thank my thick family, my slimy campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank masochists for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of exposing the American people. Without your warty efforts, none of this would have been possible.
See, even I can do it...