Saturday, August 29, 2009

EMK, the Corpse that Keeps on Giving...

Terry Gilliam made me do it, earlier today.

A truly delicious skit on the Kennedy 'dynasty'. The death of 'Wayne' is worth a click in it's own right.

Heartily commended to everyone's bookmark list, the remarkable Iowahawk.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

It Had to be Said

Me, yesterday morning, earlier today (see what I did there?).

Yesterday, when I had a go at The Great Chappaquiddick Girl Drowner, Terrorist Cozener and Senator from the Great State of Massachusetts I caved in to my usual juvenile inclinations and took the piss.

Tom Paine being cut from weaker cloth caved in to an even unworthier impulse and allowed himself to grow up.

Which is why he says it all so, so much better.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Who the FUCK Writes These Things?


Evil Nurse From Hell just brought me this...

I mean seriously? What if my heart and breathing stops? You're DEAD you dozy fucker! It's nature's way of telling you you've had the dick. Terminally.

If you can't make out my postscript, it reads:

'Use in conjunction with: What is Rigor Mortis?'

Who? Why? What sort of a mind?

PS: Yes, I know the clinical definitions, and we've all seen the paddles and the 'clear' with the hoivin and the moivin and the high voltage; but find a medic and ask him or her how many times that jiggery-bollockry actually works...

Can Today Get Any Better?


At last! At last! Oh, let joy be unconfined! Let us now with unfetter'd foot, beat the ground with dancing!

Finally, this shite and all it's associated bacterial offshoots is gone to the sewer!

I had hoped, but these days my hopes are rarely fulfilled.

*Waits patiently by the graveside with a CD of 'I'm in the Mood For Dancing'*

Big Brother AND This Tool on the Same Day?

Yes! Yes! YES! Ahahahahahahahahah!

So. Farewell Edward Moore Kennedy,
'Ah, youse IRA murderin' boyos are grand, so',
That was one of your catchphrases,
'I'll leave you to drown bitch',
That was another,
Keith's mum said you had a lovely head of hair,
But I thought you were a cunt,
So there.

With apologies to E. J. Thribb, 17½

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

In the Blue Corner

Advocate free trade, sting like a bee.

The US Chamber of Commerce has had an idea. Simple, like all brilliant ideas, but having the potential to save the economies and ultimately the civilisation of the Western world.

It is this. Detailed over at the indispensible Watts Up With That and Witterings from Witney, they intend to force the charlatans and junk scientists of the EPA to hold a full open court hearing to determine the validity - or otherwise - of anthropogenic global warming theory.

If the misanthropic, anti-civilisation, flat-earth counter enlightenment is to be stopped, this is how it will happen. The only way to crush these maniacs once and for all is to get them out from under their MSM security blanket and hose them down with a little hard science.

Go to it, you bruisers. Carry the fight straight to the heart of the beast.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Well Loved Growth in Emergency Op Shock

One of the UK's best loved tumours has been admitted to St. Mary's Hospital, Paddington for urgent surgery to remove a malignant First Secretary of State. The tumour, known locally as Colin, was described by neighbouring cells as 'A lovely growth' and 'benign as you could wish for, not like that malevolent arsehole that surrounded him'.

Colin, earlier today.

Interviewed earlier, Colin had this to say. "Well, one day you're just dividing normally, dreaming of the day you can get on and metastasise and then wallop! You find you've developed an unelected fraudulent two-time loser"

Luckily for Colin, expert surgical assistance was available. Mr V. de Impaler, leader of the team was on hand to comment, "I took one look at the First Secretary and saw at once it was a particularly vile and destructive example of Oleaginus Rectum Horribilis, I was straight in there with my cordless Bosch I can tell you. That fucking thing went right in the bin. Anyway, can't stop to chat, David Cameron has an Ian Gilmore or Patronisum Patrician Cockporcus stuck up his arse. If I don't get rid of that thing PFQ we'll be up to our eyes in sodding bansturbators".

A malignant growth en route to a skip, earlier today.

Gordon Brown when reached for comment said "I'll be getting on with hard-working families, Obama this, Obama that, Obama the fucking other. Nnnnnnnneeeeeuuuuuurrrrr

Gordon Brown is 9.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Songun Comrades Lead the World in Arslikhan!

A Great Socialist Hero Falls.

He has been silent since last November, probably killed by a Barry Omaha* inspired orgasm, and now he is supplanted. I hope it is some consolation that he was trounced by a true ideological titan.

A Paladin of the Proletariat Arises!

I give you Comrade Dermot Hudson a man so far up Kim Jong Il's arse, he's on nodding terms with the Dear Leader's pancreas.

My sincere thanks to The Poor Mouth a new addition to my regulars, who kindly reminded me just how fucking deluded some people can be. Freedom for Tooting anyone?

Oh, by the way Comrade Hudson, what's wrong with this picture?

At least at night you can't see that people are starving.

You utter, utter, fuckwit.

*A reference to Spongebrain Fudgepants' gracious recognition of the US Army units which stormed 'Obama Beach' on the Sixth of June, 1944. Fucking imbecile.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

ASH - Neueweltordnung!

The excellant Gasdoc and Blad spotted our old friends at ASH taking little light exercise:

Einsatz auf Rauchen und Gesundheit, früher heute morgen.

But I was sure I'd seen the lying crypto-fascist cockbags somewhere else. Oh yes...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Well, I Had To...

All the deep intelligent ones have piled in, so I will too...

Ladeez'n Gennumen, from a time before the nation went stark, staring, fucking Dagenham. From a time when this realm had both a sense of proportion and a sense of humour - essential foundations of any culture as I understand the definition - I give you this...