One of the UK's best loved tumours has been admitted to St. Mary's Hospital, Paddington for urgent surgery to remove a malignant First Secretary of State. The tumour, known locally as Colin, was described by neighbouring cells as 'A lovely growth' and 'benign as you could wish for, not like that malevolent arsehole that surrounded him'.
Colin, earlier today.
Interviewed earlier, Colin had this to say. "Well, one day you're just dividing normally, dreaming of the day you can get on and metastasise and then wallop! You find you've developed an unelected fraudulent two-time loser"
Luckily for Colin, expert surgical assistance was available. Mr V. de Impaler, leader of the team was on hand to comment, "I took one look at the First Secretary and saw at once it was a particularly vile and destructive example of Oleaginus Rectum Horribilis, I was straight in there with my cordless Bosch I can tell you. That fucking thing went right in the bin. Anyway, can't stop to chat, David Cameron has an Ian Gilmore or Patronisum Patrician Cockporcus stuck up his arse. If I don't get rid of that thing PFQ we'll be up to our eyes in sodding bansturbators".
A malignant growth en route to a skip, earlier today.
Gordon Brown when reached for comment said "I'll be getting on with hard-working families, Obama this, Obama that, Obama the fucking other. Nnnnnnnneeeeeuuuuuurrrrr
Gordon Brown is 9.