Speeding Up 'Digestive Transit'

But Asif, this works just as well, and it's so much quieter







I have frequently suggested that members of Al Quaeda should stuff various objects up their hoops, and at least one member of that singularly deranged fraternity took my suggestion to heart.



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No fucking way that boy was getting any. Wonder how the recruiter sold him the deal?

What a monumental tool.

Hasn't anyone told them how much blast a human body can absorb? Why do they think people can throw themselves onto grenades to save their comrades? Besides, if he was that constipated there are over-the-counter products to move things through the requisite orifice, rather than through the top of your tiny pointed skull.

I wonder how the commercial would have run...

*Talking head shot of Islamo-birdbrain*

Yeah, I was looking forward to killing the infidel, but I had that bloated, uncomfortable feeling, you know?

Then Mohammed Latif said "Why don't you try jamming a pound of Semtex™ and a cellphone up your hole?"

I was sceptical at first, but then I thought, 'What have I got to lose?', so I gave it a fair try, and now I'm smeared up a wall in Riyadh.

I hope when he gets to paradise the 72 virgins just giggle and mock his tiny penis.

Although the last laugh may be on us when Security Comedy Theatre devises a port-based response... *shudders*