Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Stirring Tale...

...of one idiot against the system!

'Paint' is a blunt instrument

Tomorrow morning I get out this bloody hospital! Home again! Woo-hoo!

Normality (or at least my version of it).

I'm going to have a bacon roll.

And then beer.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Strange Days Indeed

The Samizdati seem to share my feelings of unreality over remarkable events transpiring at Al-Jabeeba - formerly the BBC - the climate alarmist's propagandist of choice.

Sick renegade madman Paul Hudson (environment correspondent and possible P45 candidate) asks the incredibhly loaded super-pregnant question What happened to global warming?

Brian Micklethwaite punts some speculations as to why the Beeb has mysteriously rediscovered balanced reporting, albeit on a pitifully limited scale, and while these are interesting, I suspect Occam's razor may be whispering through the air.

The public won't buy this particular pup, and perhaps there's sufficient sanity (or cynicism) at the Beeb to recognise that their ultimate paymasters are starting to get just a little teeny-weeny bit fucked off with relentless eco-preaching and related bullshit.

I await developments with interest.

One thing's for certain. That egregious eco-harridan Jo Abbess who managed the cyber-castration of Roger Harrabin* a few months ago will have her work cut out (again). Ho ho.

* Regular habitués of Blogistan will know all about the BBC's environment hack/prostitute Roger Harrabin, and his spineless pandering to any ecoid who stamps their sandals hard enough. I can't be arsed to dredge up the links, but a soupçon may be enjoyed here.

ADDENDUM: I found time for a trawl after supper, and the incident to which I refer is detailed here.

Oh, and this is what the scurgy little fuck calls journalism.

PS: Isn't The Bishop a clever teddy?

Friday, October 09, 2009

And While We're on the Topic

Someone who's had 'a call to action', earlier today

Tom Paine skewers the essential irony of the situation.

There is no other explanation. 1964's laureate - who famously dreamed of men being judged by the content of their character not the colour of their skin - must be spinning in his grave. He wanted to eliminate discrimination, not reverse it

And as someone else observed...

"One does not applaud the tenor for clearing his throat"

La Marquise de Merteuil, 'Dangerous Liaisons'.

And the Winner Is...

A paragon of human achievement, earlier today

...abso-fucking-lutely nobody. Certainly not the Nobel Prize committee. What a collection of shit-for-brains, gold-plated, ocean-going, rectal discharge mongers.

I thought they'd jumped the shark with last year's piece of nauseating eco-pandering, but clearly I was wrong. They had more to show me.

It's very difficult to marshal my thoughts when so much searing vitriol is flying around my poor little brain. I really don't know what it is about this execrable piece of stupidity that pisses me off the most. The naked Barry worship? The devaluation of the institution itself? The implied insult to past recipients?

Seriously, where the flying-dancing-unicycling-all-singing-all-dancing-full-colour-totally-naked FUCK do you START? Really. I need to know, because I am at a total loss.

Let's start with drivelling dickhead number one. Step forward Mohammed ElBaradei...

"I cannot think of anyone today more deserving of this honour. In less than a year in office, he has transformed the way we look at ourselves* and the world we live in** and rekindled hope for a world at peace with itself***."

Is that a fact? Well sorry Mo, but if that's the case you must've been living in a fucking cave on Pluto for the last ten years. The Times mentions two hot prospects right off the bat, and they can't even be arsed to use Google half the time (cf this shite, ably arse-raped here).

Luckily, not everyone in the world has mentally imploded...

"Obama? So fast? Too fast - he hasn’t had the time to do anything yet"

Thank you Lech Walesa. I was beginning to think I'd been hoovered up into some ghastly parallel universe for a second. Mikhail Gorbachev, Desmond Tutu, people I had a degree of respect for are in onanistic transports of delight over this travesty; and there is simply no other word, travesty of a decision.

I'll have it next year. Seriously, why not? I'm quite a nice bloke. Sometimes. I've even said nice things occasionally, and peace might be quite pleasant all things considered. There, that should be enough to clinch it.

Admittedly, I haven't actually done anything.

But then neither has Barry.

* Has he arse-candles changed the way I look at myself. I'm still the same booze-sodden, nicotine-infused scrotum I was last year, and thoroughly intend to be next year come to that.

** Where? What? How? Talk fucking sense man.

*** Ditto.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Yes, I'm a Lazy Fucker But...

...watcha gonna dooo?

Al Jahom related the horror of feline transportation logistics, and it set me off looking for an old 'Who Dares Wins' sketch about cats and vets. I failed miserably, but thought you might enjoy two of my all time favourites instead...


And this:

We shall not see his like again...

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Did He Really Say That?

David Cameron earlier today

I watched the Al-Jabeeba ten o'clock 'news' tonight (I know, I know, I'm a masochist who's too tight to buy nipple-clamps).

There was CamBoy, playing table football and jogging like a prize dick. So far, so bad; and then he said it.

"The new Conservative party"

Christ Jesus. He's supposedly gearing up to replace the most incompetent and thoroughly, justifiably loathed government in living memory, and he's publically adopting it's fucking nomenclature!

NuLabour is to be replaced by NuTory!

Please, for god's sake, someone, anyone PLEASE; give me a reason to believe he's not as big a fucking imbecile as I think he is.

Tony Blair earlier today

Lay Off the Micks

There's predictably a lot of comment regarding the Irish referendum result today. A lot of it is sneering if not downright bloody abusive.

In some respects there's no love lost between our two nations, and to be fair neither of us emerge with a lot of credit.

However, to those who paint the Paddys black at every opportunity and try to infer endemic cowardice I suggest they have a look at some of our war cemetaries, and check out the regimental museums of our Irish regiments. Then I cordially invite them to shut their fucking mouths.

Ireland was bullied and cowed, lied to and shanghied by one of the most ruthless, anti-democratic and utterly unscrupulous political entities of modern times. Betrayed by self-serving filth in their own media and of course, by the global political class (Irish chapter).

They were stampeded by the liars and the fear-mongers. They will repent at leisure.

What need you, being come to sense,
But fumble in a greasy till
And add the halfpence to the pence
And prayer to shivering prayer, until
You have dried the marrow from the bone?
For men were born to pray and save:
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,
It's with O'Leary in the grave.

Yet they were of a different kind,
The names that stilled your childish play,
They have gone about the world like wind,
But little time had they to pray
For whom the hangman's rope was spun,
And what, God help us, could they save?
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,
It's with O'Leary in the grave.

Was it for this the wild geese spread
The grey wing upon every tide;
For this that all that blood was shed,
For this Edward Fitzgerald died,
And Robert Emmet and Wolfe Tone,
All that delirium of the brave?
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,
It's with O'Leary in the grave.

Yet could we turn the years again,
And call those exiles as they were
In all their loneliness and pain,
You'd cry, 'Some woman's yellow hair
Has maddened every mother's son':
They weighed so lightly what they gave.
But let them be, they're dead and gone,
They're with O'Leary in the grave.

W. B. Yeats.

Saturday, October 03, 2009


A great deal of ink, pixels and angst over this. I don't understand why.

He anally raped a child.

He evaded punishment.

What is there to discuss?

Friday, October 02, 2009

A Thought at Bedtime

You can stick your CCTV, Police State, wheelie bin Stasi, DNA, WMD, "Social Cohesion", benefits for all, guilty until proved innocent, don't do that it's illegal now, can't say that, ID cards for all, where are you going, what have you been saying/doing/reading, can't photograph that, how very dare you, golliwog banning, we know where you live, we're watching you Soviet Utopia up your arses. Sideways

Old Holborn answers some questions and helps out the Comrades with the gaps in their understanding.

What Was I Thinking?

Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Blairer

Just watched the BBC's coverage of the Irish referendum, and it turns out I've got it all wrong.

The Lisbon Treaty is all about 'streamlining decision making'.

Thank goodness for the BBC. What have I been making such a fuss about? I'm such a juggins! Oh dearie me, is my face red.

Wait though. What's that awful smell?

The lying, duplicitous, propagandising bastards. They should be broken on the fucking wheel.

What's It to Be Then?

What do you want this to mean?

Today's the day. Nation State or province? You have one vote to cast, and the clock's running.

Don't screw it up you Micks. With the EU there won't be another chance.

Sorry about the crown, but the principle holds good

A Hari Bleats...

Better out than in eh?

Biased BBC dissects Johann Hari's case for a stay of execution.

Let's start with the good news. The BBC works.

Yeah? For whom exactly?

We get the best comedies, the best drama and the best news.

If you like formulaic shite, endless Jane Austen retreads (ditto Dickens) and Nu-Labour/warming alarmist propaganda, then you certainly do. In spades.

...that isn't contaminated by either corporate advertisers and proprietors on one side, or state ownership on the other.

Two out of three is progress of a sort I suppose, but the State's clammy hand more than makes up for mere corporates and proprietors. The Beeb doesn't even make the merest pretence at balance any more.

Three independent polls have found that a large majority of Brits would happily pay more for it.

Yeah. Right. Abso-fucking-lutely. That's my favourite bit.

Puts me in mind of something. What was it now? Oh yes. I remember...

Don't worry Johann. Nothing's going to happen to Auntie. Just go back to sleep and dream of the Socialist paradise* to come.

CamBoy hasn't the balls to do anything to the BBC. CamBoy hasn't the balls to do anything to anything.

Soon he'll take over from Spongebrain and then it'll be business as usual, scribbling in the margins, snouting and fucking the taxpayer.

You won't notice any real difference. I promise.

*Oxymoron alert.