Resistance is Useless!

Heavenly Choir to the Stage Please, Heavenly Choir...

2012-01-13T20:34:00.007Z

Can it be? Can it really be?

Following Alcohol 'Concern' having it's financial throat slit (let joy be unconfin'd), Saint Christopher de Snowdon over at VGIF indicates that another brick may be about to be kicked out of the Nu-Puritan wall.

Oh, that the most evil of lie-factories could be choked off, that ASH be reduced to ashes.

If that day dawns I will get falling-down piss-down-my-leg drunk in celebration. To see that smug, self-satisfied smile wiped off Arnott's ugly mug will leave me with at least one happy image to take to my grave.

Oh, and here's one more...

ASH's tax-payer funding stream, earlier today?

Oh really?

2012-01-09T17:20:00.005Z

The Chair of the HOC Science and Technology Committee, earlier today.

So, the House of Commons Science and Technology Committee (eh?) has recommended that we benighted gin-sodden proles abstain from the Demon Drink for two days a week.

I don't know about anyone else, but currently the biggest threat to my wellbeing is massively elevated blood-pressure engendered by the endless conga line of nannying, authoritarian, neo-puritan strap-ons presuming they have a right to poke their noses into every corner of my private life.

Tell you what, you unconscionable pack of arseholes, try leading from the front for a refreshing change, perhaps by:

1: Auctioning the entire contents of the Palace of Westminster wine cellars and donating the proceeds to SSAFA and/or the RBL.

2: Removing the £6+ million quid subsidy you (literally) piss up the wall annually in subsidising your bars and restaurants so that you too can enjoy the full benefits of minimum pricing per (ho ho) unit of alcohol.

When you ballbags start walking the walk, I might review my policy of ignoring every bloody word you say, but I make no promises.

Oh, and fuck the lot of you. Twice.

So Now it Becomes Clear(er)

2011-03-29T00:51:00.004+01:00

That incredible bubble headed misanthrope Huhne has been pontificating (yes, it does give you hairy palms and send you mad) at the CPRE.

It's much as one would expect - climate change will eat our babies and unless we sacrifice the young women of the village to the Earth Goddess blah, blah, blee, blah ad nauseam.

However, one of his remarks exploded off the page, to wit-

"For the first time since the 18th century, we have a chance to return to a true sustainability."

So, three hundred years of human progress is to be consigned to the bin in pursuit of what exactly?

The majority of us reduced to toiling peasantry, while Huhne and his filthy ilk live like The Sun King?

Fuck you Mr. Huhne. My ancestors sacrificed and toiled to drive the gears of civilisation through each agonisingly slow notch forward.

That's why we still live in a century replete with marvels. The 21st. The 18th. can remain in the history books, where it belongs.

Dear BBC...

2011-03-20T17:50:00.005Z

Smith and Blears, pictured in the BBC Green Room, earlier today

...please, please will you stop taking the fucking piss! I don't mean the usual catalogue of egregiosities, the lying by omission with regard to the EU, 'climate change'; the sickening Obama worship etc. etc. ad nauseam.

No, these are more than adequately documented by the excellant Biased BBC, anything I could add would be merely to gild the lily.

I refer to the attempt to rehabilitate thieving, troughing Noo-Laybah scumbags as valid political commentators, and worse, funnel our license fees into their overstuffed pockets.

The sight of Hazel Blears on The Politics Show, and that buggering bloody Smith woman on the execrable This Week, Thursdays is just bloody insupportable.

Just fuck off, and take them with you.

Dear Barry...

2010-11-01T17:33:00.002Z

This is just for you. Enjoy the midterms, you puffed-up Anglophobic prick.

Kindest regards,

Mac the Knife.

A Stirring Tale...

2009-10-15T16:47:00.005+01:00

...of one idiot against the system!

'Paint' is a blunt instrument

Tomorrow morning I get out this bloody hospital! Home again! Woo-hoo!

Normality (or at least my version of it).

I'm going to have a bacon roll.

And then beer.

Strange Days Indeed

2009-10-11T13:58:00.018+01:00

The Samizdati seem to share my feelings of unreality over remarkable events transpiring at Al-Jabeeba - formerly the BBC - the climate alarmist's propagandist of choice.

Sick renegade madman Paul Hudson (environment correspondent and possible P45 candidate) asks the incredibhly loaded super-pregnant question What happened to global warming?

Brian Micklethwaite punts some speculations as to why the Beeb has mysteriously rediscovered balanced reporting, albeit on a pitifully limited scale, and while these are interesting, I suspect Occam's razor may be whispering through the air.

The public won't buy this particular pup, and perhaps there's sufficient sanity (or cynicism) at the Beeb to recognise that their ultimate paymasters are starting to get just a little teeny-weeny bit fucked off with relentless eco-preaching and related bullshit.

I await developments with interest.

One thing's for certain. That egregious eco-harridan Jo Abbess who managed the cyber-castration of Roger Harrabin* a few months ago will have her work cut out (again). Ho ho.

* Regular habitués of Blogistan will know all about the BBC's environment hack/prostitute Roger Harrabin, and his spineless pandering to any ecoid who stamps their sandals hard enough. I can't be arsed to dredge up the links, but a soupçon may be enjoyed here.

ADDENDUM: I found time for a trawl after supper, and the incident to which I refer is detailed here.

Oh, and this is what the scurgy little fuck calls journalism.

PS: Isn't The Bishop a clever teddy?

And While We're on the Topic

2009-10-09T20:58:00.006+01:00

Someone who's had 'a call to action', earlier today

Tom Paine skewers the essential irony of the situation.

There is no other explanation. 1964's laureate - who famously dreamed of men being judged by the content of their character not the colour of their skin - must be spinning in his grave. He wanted to eliminate discrimination, not reverse it

And as someone else observed...

"One does not applaud the tenor for clearing his throat"

La Marquise de Merteuil, 'Dangerous Liaisons'.

And the Winner Is...

2009-10-09T13:35:00.010+01:00

A paragon of human achievement, earlier today

...abso-fucking-lutely nobody. Certainly not the Nobel Prize committee. What a collection of shit-for-brains, gold-plated, ocean-going, rectal discharge mongers.

I thought they'd jumped the shark with last year's piece of nauseating eco-pandering, but clearly I was wrong. They had more to show me.

It's very difficult to marshal my thoughts when so much searing vitriol is flying around my poor little brain. I really don't know what it is about this execrable piece of stupidity that pisses me off the most. The naked Barry worship? The devaluation of the institution itself? The implied insult to past recipients?

Seriously, where the flying-dancing-unicycling-all-singing-all-dancing-full-colour-totally-naked FUCK do you START? Really. I need to know, because I am at a total loss.

Let's start with drivelling dickhead number one. Step forward Mohammed ElBaradei...

"I cannot think of anyone today more deserving of this honour. In less than a year in office, he has transformed the way we look at ourselves* and the world we live in** and rekindled hope for a world at peace with itself***."

Is that a fact? Well sorry Mo, but if that's the case you must've been living in a fucking cave on Pluto for the last ten years. The Times mentions two hot prospects right off the bat, and they can't even be arsed to use Google half the time (cf this shite, ably arse-raped here).

Luckily, not everyone in the world has mentally imploded...

"Obama? So fast? Too fast - he hasn’t had the time to do anything yet"

Thank you Lech Walesa. I was beginning to think I'd been hoovered up into some ghastly parallel universe for a second. Mikhail Gorbachev, Desmond Tutu, people I had a degree of respect for are in onanistic transports of delight over this travesty; and there is simply no other word, travesty of a decision.

I'll have it next year. Seriously, why not? I'm quite a nice bloke. Sometimes. I've even said nice things occasionally, and peace might be quite pleasant all things considered. There, that should be enough to clinch it.

Admittedly, I haven't actually done anything.

But then neither has Barry.

* Has he arse-candles changed the way I look at myself. I'm still the same booze-sodden, nicotine-infused scrotum I was last year, and thoroughly intend to be next year come to that.

** Where? What? How? Talk fucking sense man.

*** Ditto.

Yes, I'm a Lazy Fucker But...

2009-10-07T15:55:00.004+01:00

...watcha gonna dooo?

Al Jahom related the horror of feline transportation logistics, and it set me off looking for an old 'Who Dares Wins' sketch about cats and vets. I failed miserably, but thought you might enjoy two of my all time favourites instead...

This:

And this:

We shall not see his like again...

Did He Really Say That?

2009-10-04T23:17:00.005+01:00

David Cameron earlier today

I watched the Al-Jabeeba ten o'clock 'news' tonight (I know, I know, I'm a masochist who's too tight to buy nipple-clamps).

There was CamBoy, playing table football and jogging like a prize dick. So far, so bad; and then he said it.

"The new Conservative party"

Christ Jesus. He's supposedly gearing up to replace the most incompetent and thoroughly, justifiably loathed government in living memory, and he's publically adopting it's fucking nomenclature!

NuLabour is to be replaced by NuTory!

Please, for god's sake, someone, anyone PLEASE; give me a reason to believe he's not as big a fucking imbecile as I think he is.

Tony Blair earlier today

Lay Off the Micks

2009-10-04T13:08:00.004+01:00

There's predictably a lot of comment regarding the Irish referendum result today. A lot of it is sneering if not downright bloody abusive.

In some respects there's no love lost between our two nations, and to be fair neither of us emerge with a lot of credit.

However, to those who paint the Paddys black at every opportunity and try to infer endemic cowardice I suggest they have a look at some of our war cemetaries, and check out the regimental museums of our Irish regiments. Then I cordially invite them to shut their fucking mouths.

Ireland was bullied and cowed, lied to and shanghied by one of the most ruthless, anti-democratic and utterly unscrupulous political entities of modern times. Betrayed by self-serving filth in their own media and of course, by the global political class (Irish chapter).

They were stampeded by the liars and the fear-mongers. They will repent at leisure.

What need you, being come to sense,
But fumble in a greasy till
And add the halfpence to the pence
And prayer to shivering prayer, until
You have dried the marrow from the bone?
For men were born to pray and save:
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,
It's with O'Leary in the grave.

Yet they were of a different kind,
The names that stilled your childish play,
They have gone about the world like wind,
But little time had they to pray
For whom the hangman's rope was spun,
And what, God help us, could they save?
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,
It's with O'Leary in the grave.

Was it for this the wild geese spread
The grey wing upon every tide;
For this that all that blood was shed,
For this Edward Fitzgerald died,
And Robert Emmet and Wolfe Tone,
All that delirium of the brave?
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,
It's with O'Leary in the grave.

Yet could we turn the years again,
And call those exiles as they were
In all their loneliness and pain,
You'd cry, 'Some woman's yellow hair
Has maddened every mother's son':
They weighed so lightly what they gave.
But let them be, they're dead and gone,
They're with O'Leary in the grave.

W. B. Yeats.

Polanski

2009-10-03T10:57:00.006+01:00

A great deal of ink, pixels and angst over this. I don't understand why.

He anally raped a child.

He evaded punishment.

What is there to discuss?

A Thought at Bedtime

2009-10-02T21:45:00.004+01:00

You can stick your CCTV, Police State, wheelie bin Stasi, DNA, WMD, "Social Cohesion", benefits for all, guilty until proved innocent, don't do that it's illegal now, can't say that, ID cards for all, where are you going, what have you been saying/doing/reading, can't photograph that, how very dare you, golliwog banning, we know where you live, we're watching you Soviet Utopia up your arses. Sideways

Old Holborn answers some questions and helps out the Comrades with the gaps in their understanding.

What Was I Thinking?

2009-10-02T18:29:00.005+01:00

Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Blairer

Just watched the BBC's coverage of the Irish referendum, and it turns out I've got it all wrong.

The Lisbon Treaty is all about 'streamlining decision making'.

Thank goodness for the BBC. What have I been making such a fuss about? I'm such a juggins! Oh dearie me, is my face red.

Wait though. What's that awful smell?

The lying, duplicitous, propagandising bastards. They should be broken on the fucking wheel.

What's It to Be Then?

2009-10-02T13:56:00.007+01:00

What do you want this to mean?

Today's the day. Nation State or province? You have one vote to cast, and the clock's running.

Don't screw it up you Micks. With the EU there won't be another chance.

Sorry about the crown, but the principle holds good

A Hari Bleats...

2009-10-02T10:54:00.008+01:00

Better out than in eh?

Biased BBC dissects Johann Hari's case for a stay of execution.

Let's start with the good news. The BBC works.

Yeah? For whom exactly?

We get the best comedies, the best drama and the best news.

If you like formulaic shite, endless Jane Austen retreads (ditto Dickens) and Nu-Labour/warming alarmist propaganda, then you certainly do. In spades.

...that isn't contaminated by either corporate advertisers and proprietors on one side, or state ownership on the other.

Two out of three is progress of a sort I suppose, but the State's clammy hand more than makes up for mere corporates and proprietors. The Beeb doesn't even make the merest pretence at balance any more.

Three independent polls have found that a large majority of Brits would happily pay more for it.

Yeah. Right. Abso-fucking-lutely. That's my favourite bit.

Puts me in mind of something. What was it now? Oh yes. I remember...

Don't worry Johann. Nothing's going to happen to Auntie. Just go back to sleep and dream of the Socialist paradise* to come.

CamBoy hasn't the balls to do anything to the BBC. CamBoy hasn't the balls to do anything to anything.

Soon he'll take over from Spongebrain and then it'll be business as usual, scribbling in the margins, snouting and fucking the taxpayer.

You won't notice any real difference. I promise.

*Oxymoron alert.

Speeding Up 'Digestive Transit'

2009-09-30T21:07:00.009+01:00

But Asif, this works just as well, and it's so much quieter

I have frequently suggested that members of Al Quaeda should stuff various objects up their hoops, and at least one member of that singularly deranged fraternity took my suggestion to heart.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

No fucking way that boy was getting any. Wonder how the recruiter sold him the deal?

What a monumental tool.

Hasn't anyone told them how much blast a human body can absorb? Why do they think people can throw themselves onto grenades to save their comrades? Besides, if he was that constipated there are over-the-counter products to move things through the requisite orifice, rather than through the top of your tiny pointed skull.

I wonder how the commercial would have run...

*Talking head shot of Islamo-birdbrain*

Yeah, I was looking forward to killing the infidel, but I had that bloated, uncomfortable feeling, you know?

Then Mohammed Latif said "Why don't you try jamming a pound of Semtex™ and a cellphone up your hole?"

I was sceptical at first, but then I thought, 'What have I got to lose?', so I gave it a fair try, and now I'm smeared up a wall in Riyadh.

I hope when he gets to paradise the 72 virgins just giggle and mock his tiny penis.

Although the last laugh may be on us when Security Comedy Theatre devises a port-based response... *shudders*

Blogistan is Ablaze...

2009-09-30T13:12:00.002+01:00

...over this hideosity, and rightly so.

The first forensic autopsy I observed at was a suicide/double murder involving a mother and two young children with exactly the same method. The aftermath is beyond description, the act itself beyond understanding.

Our brethren have taken the whole sorry mess apart, dissecting the usual suspects with customary attention and accuracy, but it's so wearisome, so hopelessly, soul-bleachingly predictable.

The solutions are there, if someone, anyone, will simply apply them.

• Let the Police, Police. Detect and arrest criminals, quash public disorder.

• Let the courts punish crime and public disorder in appropriate measure.

• Restore and reinforce the principle of absolute equality before the law.

• Restore and reinforce the principle of absolute equality before the law.

• Restore and reinforce the principle of absolute equality before the law.

• Restore and reinforce the principle of absolute equality before the law.

• Restore and reinforce the principle of ABSOLUTE EQUALITY BEFORE THE LAW.

Repeat ad nauseam, or until some fucker LISTENS.

There. That wasn't so hard, was it?

I Watched in Silence

2009-09-29T20:01:00.007+01:00

The Ponce of Darkness

Mandy Pandy's conference speech yesterday.

I really don't know where to start. I really don't. Everything I loathe and despise. Everything I hate and oppose. Everything that is sick and wrong and degraded about British politics neatly wrapped and delivered in one slippery skin.

To re-hash the sins of this oleaginous, scheming thing would be hopelessly redundant. I'm in no doubt that doing so would merely be to preach to the choir. It's not really those I find so sickening.

No. What really puts me into orbit is the way that the fucking labour party disinter this reprehensible, intolerable excrescence and parade it in front of us all. like some hideous memento venaliter.

The message to the nation from New Labour, received loud and clear:

Look! Look you stupid, stupid bastards! While you hang on by your fingernails, we've elevated this useless fuck to the highest offices of state! Shit! We even made up some new ones, just for him! Isn't that awesome? Isn't that sooo kewl? While you suffer and do without and try to tread water, the only part of him that isn't immersed in the trough is his ringpiece, and it's blowing off! Right in your stupid faces! What do you think about that? On second thoughts - who ever gave a FUCK what YOU think?

I'll let the noble lord conclude, as he did to the faithful:

“But let me say this. If I can come back . . . we can come back,”

Processed through the Mac the Knife Patent Bullshit Translator®™, this reads:

"Lie, cheat, backstab and connive. Fuck the law, fuck probity, fuck morality, fuck public service. Kiss arse, fuck arse, take bungs. IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER! If you're part of the charmed circle you can't lose! Long after you bovine fucks have been thrown under the bus, I'll still be living in luxury; rich, powerful and untouchable"

And a Tin of Sainsbury's Tuna in Brine Goes To...

2009-09-29T12:58:00.004+01:00

A blog author at lunch, earlier today

The resplendantly furry Pavlov's Cat posted on the subject of cover versions earlier, with two fine examples of the genre to illustrate his point.

This got me thinking, and herewith my nominations:

And:

Play LOUD!

So, Just What Would it Take?

2009-09-26T17:12:00.015+01:00

"I'll take that one, in chartreuse"
"Certainly Lord Mandelson, shall I gift wrap it for you?"

So, let's now take stock a moment. They've been caught with their fingers in our pockets, soliciting bribes, breaking the laws they've imposed on the rest of us, avoiding taxes (ditto), Lords and Commons both. Perhaps it would be quicker to jot down what they haven't been up to?

And yet. And yet, with a very, very few exceptions they're still there. Pontificating, bleating on endlessly about the 'tough choices' that'll have to be made, the sacrifices oncoming; the consequences of all of which will be borne by? Yes, friends and neighbours, you guessed it, thee and me. Give yourself a coconut. By the time these toad-felching fucks have finished it'll be all you have left.

Just what the hell would make them resign? What would it take? What scale of cupboard-based skeleton? What calibre of smoking gun?

Would either of these do?

I delved into The Bran-Tub of Vileness in the back of my mind and:

When quizzed about being discovered in a floodlit capsule aboard the London Eye, sodomising the corpse of Mother Teresa, Lord Mandelson had this to say...

"It was an inadvertant breach of the rules regarding necrophilic sodomy, I have repaired the damaged ringpiece with UHU and a laggy band, and I really feel it's time to draw a line under the matter and move on"

You can imagine the conversation:

"Don't worry Peter, just pop the stiff in a bin-liner and keep it in the shed until this thing blows over. We'll just squirrel you away in the G20 until everything's forgotten. You alright for cash? Here, have couple of mil. to keep you ticking over. Taxpayers eh? If they didn't exist we'd have to invent 'em" [laughter].

So, in answer to my question, what would it take to make them resign?

Nothing. No. Thing. There is no level of ire or opprobrium that could impinge on their armour of unmerited entitlement and inexplicable estimation of their own self-worth. They are quite literally without shame, incapable of feeling it, surrounded as they are by creatures of equal vileness who support and reinforce them as they wallow and welter in their own slime.

What is it with these people? Why can't they see that this cannot, and will not be allowed to go on?

When the day dawns that we decide to clean house, it really will end in tears.

Gaunt Revisited

2009-09-26T16:38:00.002+01:00

Once royal throne of kings, once scepter’d isle,
Once earth of majesty, once seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
Now ragged breed of serfs, this shattered world,
A festering sore set in the leaden sea,
Which serves it in no office at all,
Not as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of foreign shithouses,
This desolate plot, this earth, this ex-realm, this England,
This whore, this teeming womb of unelected bastardy,
Fear’d by their taxpayers and famous by their filth,
Renowned for their deeds as far from home,
For debauched corruption and true chicanery,
As is the offshore account to bent Mandy,
Of the world’s ransom, blessed Mary’s Son,
This land of such dear souls, this dear dear land,
Dear for her lost reputation through the world,
Is now sold out, I die pronouncing it,
Like to a tenement or pelting farm:
England, bound in with the triumphant sea
Whose rocky shore beats back the envious siege
Of watery Neptune, is now bound in with shame,
With inky blots and rotten parchment bonds:
That England, that was wont to conquer others,
Hath made a shameful conquest of itself.
Ah, would the scandal vanish with my life,
How happy then were my ensuing death!

The final nine lines didn't need any adjustment.

With apologies to Wm. Shakespeare esq., from all of us.

Oh, Who Could Resist?

2009-09-25T20:02:00.011+01:00

The irreplaceable Prodicus put this photo up for a caption competition, but as that nice Mr. Gates gave me 'Paint', I did this instead...

Click to enlarge

And STILL They Don't Get It!

2009-09-25T16:35:00.007+01:00

I'll ring your division bell, Big Boy

So now we see what CamBoy means by 'new politics'. According to The Times, no fewer than 28 of his PPC's are either lobbyists or PR weasels.

Well, of course they are. That's exactly what parliament needs. Who's going to notice a few more whoring scumbags at the trough? Who in their right fucking mind would consider selecting individuals of proven worth and achievement? God forbid!

No. You're dead right Dave. Get out there and scrape that barrel, if you try harder you may be able to trawl the depths for some more pointless fucking parasites, but I doubt it.

After a summer in which the full extent of the fakery, thievery and essential worthlessness of the modern British MP has been thrown into sharp relief, they STILL can't see it.

OK Dave, as a personal favour to you, I'll walk you through this one.

• We, the British people are utterly, gut wrenchingly sick of fucking no-accounts

• We, the British people don't want to be represented by them any more

• We, the British people don't want to be governed by them any more

• We, the British people know that there are better people out there

• We, the British people don't know why you won't find them and put them forward

• We, the British people are still waiting for you to give us something worth electing

Lobbyists. Is there a lower form of life? Lower than a pædophilic estate agent I mean, because off hand, I'm stumped. A creature whose sole raison d'être is to pervert the democratic and legislative process, standing for parliament. It's beyond rational analysis. It's an obscenity.

The British Horseracing Authority said that it chose a lobbying firm partly because it employed a prospective parliamentary candidate. “It’s certainly helpful,” said Will Lambe, the organisation’s head of public affairs.

Oh yes. I'm quite fucking sure it is.

If this is 'new politics' you can take it, trim it and shove it. It means nothing to me, or any other right thinking Brit.

Pour Encourager Les Fumers

2009-09-22T17:01:00.004+01:00

Had I needed any further proof that anti-smokers are, not to put too fine a point on it, sick in their little tiny fucking heads; the NHS has kindly provided it...

This, from the National fucking HEALTH Service.

What message exactly are they trying to send here? And to whom?

Courtesy Master Puddlecote

A Horseman Writing By

2009-09-22T10:56:00.005+01:00

Longrider disputes the veracity of a fake charity, earlier today

Longrider machine guns this supernaturally fuckwitted notion.

In doing so however, he nails the wider malaise:

Quangos and fake charities full of the nasty, envious and downright insidious little creeps who are the parasites that live off the decaying flesh of a rotten, corrupt administration. Afraid that their host is dying, they seek to find themselves a new one before the decay is brought to an abrupt end with the clean gunshot of the ballot box. They must be denied that life. They are a part of the rotten carcass and must be cleaned out with the stinking, fetid host upon which they have flourished this past decade.

These fucking things are the weevil in the national biscuit. They must be brutally expunged from every level of British life and the body politic if we are ever to know democracy*.

The trouble is that I fear that CamBoy has already divined their filthy potential, and has every intention of harnessing them to his rotten wagon.

We shall see, but I'm in no wise optimistic.

*Note that I do not say 'again'

This Could Be Heaven...

2009-09-21T19:25:00.001+01:00

...But This Feels Like Hell

Ladeez'n Gennumen - Gun

That's how I feel about it...

You Lucky, Lucky Bastard!

2009-09-21T12:22:00.007+01:00

Nurse! Nurse!

Traction Man continues to detail the horrors of NHS food. Hah! The fairy. The limp-wristed, pampered, coddled bum-bag.

He gets two hot meals a day! Two!! TWO!!!

My daily menu in this Luft Stalag consists of:

Breakfast, two weetabix, buttered (I fucking hate milk-and-sugar cereal, there are no other options)

Lunch, some variation on mince or stew. Something veggie that I would rather die before eating.

Supper, some sort of soup (occasionally OK) with a sandwich (this is SEVEN nights a week).

And that, friends and neighbours, is your fucking lot. Tell that wanker Burnham to come and ask me if I'm satisfied with his bloody food. His balls will be my appetiser. The twat.

Cigarette Metaphors? Whatever Next?

2009-09-21T10:27:00.007+01:00

Coming to a whorehouse near you

David Cameron to the Liberal (Hah!) Democrats (Stoppit! You're killing me!):

There's barely a cigarette paper between us in all these areas. It's clear: the real enemy of progressive politics is not the Conservatives

One question, and one question only, it applies to both assertions equally...

Why the FUCK not?

Yes! Czechs Rock!

2009-09-20T21:10:00.006+01:00

A symbol of liberty and democracy, earlier today

EU leaders are said to be furious that the Czech Republic is planning to delay signing the Lisbon treaty for up to six months even if the Irish vote "yes" in their referendum next month

Love that Vaclav Klaus (crazy name, crazy guy)...

Mr Fischer said that Václav Klaus, the country's unpredictable President, was planning to have a group of loyal senators in the Czech Upper House refer the treaty back to the country's constitutional court for a second time, which could delay ratification for between three and six months

Mmmmm... And that would mean?

This would mean that the treaty could still be unratified going into the British general election campaign, expected next April or May. Mr Cameron has pledged that, if the document remained a live issue, even though Britain has completed its own ratification, he would call a referendum on it. This prospect horrifies most EU leaders, given the strong vein of euroscepticism in Britain

Yummy, sounds delicious. How did that go down among les cher colleagues?

EU leaders are said to be furious that the Czech Republic is planning to delay signing the Lisbon treaty for up to six months even if the Irish vote "yes" in their referendum next month

Oh-ho. I'll just fucking bet they are. Still, the EU is reknowned for it's staunch defence of democracy, not to mention it's respect for the integrity and sovereignty of it's member states. Sorry? What's that irritating whining sound?

Nicolas Sarkozy, who helped to draw up the treaty after the French and Dutch voted against its predecessor, the EU Constitution, has warned Prague that it faces "consequences" if it does not swiftly follow an Irish "yes" with its own ratification

Ah yes, the sawn-off coq sportif, the Napoleon Bonaparte des nos jours.

Consequences eh? Watch it Nicolas, the Czechs have known tyranny first hand, they know it's filthy boots and they recognise it's rotten stench.

You may find that they don't react positively to threats. Especially not from a laughable tin-pot fuck off like you.

MEMO to Nicky, I'm prepared to bet that the spirit that drove Jan Kubiš and Josef Gabcik is alive and well. Look 'em up Nicky, look 'em up...

On Why the NHS is Comprehensively Fucked

2009-09-19T17:47:00.005+01:00

Your taxes at work, earlier today

First, I detect some confusion of the boundaries between Public Health Medicine, Health Policy and the NHS. Indeed, the blurring of these boundaries is to blame for the administrative and financial mesh throttling the NHS. Public Health Medicine is the prerogative of busy-body, do-gooder, meddling, paternalistic nannies and is of no proven benefit.

Gasdoc gives 'em the gun. Go and read the whole thing, you will not be disappointed.

Before I Forget

2009-09-18T22:05:00.004+01:00

The Hospital in which I'm interned is one I used to work for. It had a social club where I made a lot of friends and had some very memorable nights.

I was sad to see that it's been shut down and converted to new purposes.

It's now the clap clinic.

Symmetry? Or a case of mutatis mutandis?

Seven Minutes and Three Seconds

2009-09-18T19:48:00.001+01:00

It's a Moroccan station identifier, which goes to prove that genius is universal. Please enjoy...

Not Quite

2009-09-18T15:57:00.006+01:00

Green is the new shite

Richard North over at EU Referendum has something to say on the topic of recently revealed public attitudes to climate change.

It seems that Joe Soap's feelings on the topic are mirroring the global trend - i.e. cooling steadily.

Dr. North has something of a rep for pissing off blogistanis in that he has a tendency to berate us for our lightweight content and general frivolity. It's a charge I cheerfully plead guilty to, as I am, if I say so myself, a frivolous lightweight. In fact, I rank myself somewhere between 'Practical Newt Breeder' and 'OK' in the publishing stakes.

In my view however, Dr. North's superiority complex is well founded. He's well informed and in turn informative, disciplined, tenacious and prolific. I read his stuff with care and diligence, not just at EURef, but also at Defence of the Realm, and consider myself intellectually and factually better shod as a consequence.

Nonetheless, here I think he's missing something, and in this he's not alone.

Despite all the work the greenies have been putting in, it seems that, although there was a general acceptance that climate change is happening, most people thought that humans are unlikely to be wholly responsible.

I've read similar observations elsewhere, not only in blogistan, but in the wider world also.

Despite all the work the greenies have been putting in

Less I think 'despite', more 'because of'. There was a time, not so very long ago that I was giving limited credence to the second hand smoke myth. It made a kind of sense, and I saw no harm in modifying my behaviour to compensate. If ASH et al had simply shut up then they'd have had a result of sorts. Zealots can't do that though. Moderation and sublety are alien concepts to this species. On and on they went, until second hand smoke was responsible for the Seven Years War, the Irish potato famine, Scotland being kicked out of the World Cup in 1978 and every medical ailment from syphilis to trenchfoot.

Which is when my bullshit radar came on at full power. When people not merely state a case, but overstate, reiterate, elaborate and masturbate; then other people will begin to speculate. Speculate that 'the bansturbator doth protest too much'.

As a child I learned fairly rapidly to keep my lies simple. A little colour and a few details to lend my confection verisimilitude were all that was required. If 'a big boy did it and ran away' then the make of his bike and the colour of his jersey lent the tale sufficient credibility for a cursory inspection. If I embellished further, adult scrutiny grew keener, and the details were forensically re-examined with smacked arses and stopped pocket money featuring as an epilogue.

No, our zealot can't let it go, they have to add and add. Their original premise gradually accreting layers like some ghastly tumour. If the target audience doesn't instantly drop what they're doing and leap for the bandwagon, the zealot automatically assumes that something more must be added. Like demented cooks with a bad dish, they pile in more and more ingredients; deperately trying to conjure something palatable from the mess, while each addition makes the whole viler still. And at the end they find that no one wants to eat it.

They've carried on screeching and jumping up and down, throwing things and breaking their toys; and Mummy and Daddy are ignoring them.

They can't get the simple fact that they've put themselves into the same category as junk mail, Confused.com and Kerry Katona. Irrelevant, costly irritations to be ignored.

And they did it all themselves.

Not Qualified Eh? Gosh, That's a Shock

2009-09-16T20:15:00.004+01:00

If I'd needed another reason, here it came

As I'm currently immured in the depths of the NHS at the moment, trying to get to grips with this infernally complicated standing up and walking around malarkey, I'm not as well informed as I otherwise might be. Mum the Knife popped in to see me this afternoon, and before I fell into the hands of Lucy the Occupational Terrorist she mentioned that the Olympics had attracted the attention of R4's 'You and Yours' programme. She didn't dwell on the topic as she had to bring me up to date and how insane the cats are and other hard news, but needless to say I pricked up my ears. if what she said was true, this is potentially quite explosive.

Accordingly, I had a sniff around the online editions of the DTP and guess what? Not a dicky. A little more digging however, unearthed this, courtesy of Building magazine...

Investigation into £160m overspend forces LDA chief executive to admit employee lacked formal qualification

The accountant ultimately responsible for the London Development Agency's Olympic budget was unqualified, it emerged today.

Fucking what?!

Harvey McGrath, chair of the LDA and Sir Peter Rogers, chief executive of the LDA faced questions over how the Agency had allowed an extra spend of nearly £160m on costs without anyone noticing

Probably because it's a fucking QuANGO, stuffed with the also-rans and never-weres of the pond-slime collectively known as Noo-Laybuh - just guessing you understand.

Members from the London Assembly Economic Development, Culture, Sport and Tourism committee demanded to know why the agency's accountants had failed to spot the overspend.

The LDA admitted of the two accountants employed to check the accounts, only one was formally qualified. This one reportedly looked after “day-to-day” accounts, the LDA said, while the £1.1bn Olympic budget was ultimately governed by an unqualified accountant

Oh well, what's 1.1bn quid these days eh? Not as though it's real money eh? Oh, wait a minute. Yes it fucking well is!

The LDA also confessed a series of programmes it had been hoping to fund, would now face severe cuts.

This included funding for the Visit London tourist programme, which the LDA said would be cut by £4m this year. The London Pavilion due to be built in Shanghai, will also now no longer be possible, the LDA said

So this particular cloud has something approximating a silver lining, but achieved at one fuck of a cost.

I knew this gang of half-arsed braindead walrustitties would fuck things up, but this has overshot my wildest imaginings.

"You'll be administering a budget of 1.1bn pounds of public money, what are your qualifications?"

"Eh?"

"Qualifications. Are you an accountant for example?"

"Dunno"

"Oh well, never mind, I've got a luncheon appointment to get to. Here's a London 2012 biro, you'll need it to sign all those cheques. Toodle-oo"

*Door slams, limo guns away into the traffic*

"I've just come in my pants"

I have a sick sensation that tells me this is just the tip of the iceberg. If they fucked up on this scale, over something so fundamentally fucking obvious to even the most limited intelligence, what else have they done? Or not.

And There's More

2009-09-15T19:46:00.002+01:00

I'm pleased that YouTube reached an agreement on music videos, 'cos I can share this little gem with you...

In Transit

2009-09-15T10:15:00.006+01:00

And we are fragile

We are not things. We are not this or that. We are not smokers or non-smokers or ex-smokers. We are transient beings, who are always becoming something, ceasing to be something else. We are not here or there, but everywhere. We cannot be fixed, like butterflies pinned into display cases.

He's right you know...

Lovely Little Toy...

2009-09-14T23:32:00.002+01:00

...who could say no (apart from Ireland we fervently hope)?

Get Widget

Courtesy of The Red Rag.

Seven Minutes, Twenty-Four Seconds

2009-09-14T21:11:00.003+01:00

Those of us who like good animated comedy are very well served nowadays. Nevertheless, however good the new kids are, they must all bow down in the presence of pure genius...

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

One Thing Occurs to Me...

2009-09-14T19:55:00.004+01:00

A frequent refrain on many and many a blog, concerns Noo-Laybuh's 'client state'. The feckless, the fuckless, the brainless. These legions of chavs, parked up on the DFS sofa with the Lambert & Butlers and the cans of Spesh.

I can't for the life of me work out why people get so exercised about 'em. After all, if intelligent (theoretically) hard-working tax payers feel voting isn't worth the candle, what on earth makes anyone think that the national pond-life academy'll bestir themselves? Even assuming they know what a vote is, leave alone the importance of casting it.

Labour may have engendered a client state, it's true; but it also made sure that it comprises absolute fucking morons. I'm really not that worried.

Vote? Wassafack's 'at 'en? Naahhh, let samavvah cant dooova job, innit...

The Measured Response to Racism...

2009-09-13T16:44:00.001+01:00

...is to take the piss out of the poor, miserable, small cocked bastards. Or take a leaf out of Gordon's book, and opt for 'direct action'...

Of Course, Epitaphs Are One Thing...

2009-09-13T16:36:00.005+01:00

...but the last line is another. On reflection, I think I'd like that closing sequence that leaves the audience guessing:

CURSE YOU BOND! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

2009-09-11T15:40:00.002+01:00

Nothing is forgotten.

They can never win.

_

And Their Name Liveth For Evermore

2009-09-10T21:34:00.005+01:00

Nourishing Obscurity is a place of interest and subtle whimsy. Well worth a look if you happen to be passing.

James Higham, the proprietor has invited readers to compose their own epitaph. So I did:

The moment blogdom dreams of, earlier today

If you've too much time on your hands, you can play too.

AND THERE'S MORE:

This is quite addictive...

Or perhaps...

Withering on the Vine

2009-09-10T18:24:00.003+01:00

Don't get me started. Just... Don't get me started.

Burning Our Money is an invaluable resource, even if it does destroy more cardio-vascular systems than Ronald McDonald. It was here I found the above image of Jeremy Vine.

Wat Tyler, the author of BOM is far too intelligent and gentlemanly a soul to descend to crude populist lampooning.

Fortunately, I am not.

And the Bansturbators Played On...

2009-09-09T16:22:00.014+01:00

A Doctor wanks, earlier today

And off we jolly well go. Seconds away, round 274. The Ballbreaking Masturbators Anonymous have decided that our obstinate refusal to stop doing what we like is simply symptomatic of our incredible stupidity. Yes, we have no brains or free will, we are simply bovine herd animals, brainless puppets of the advertising industry.

The BBC obligingly parrot the BMA (Government) line here.

I'm not going to refer to this any further, leave alone waste my time fisking it. The usual suspects are all over it and in full flight. Anyone who reads this site knows my blogroll and if they want in depth incandescent fulminations on the topic, I'm quite sure they know who to see. Legiron has a nice piece up today on the mechanics of banning - a guide to practical bansturbation if you will.

No. I have a theory about all these fucking intolerable, unconscionable donkey-fellating arse-products. You know who I mean, the Donaldsons, the Gilmores, the Shenkers (oh, and there's a name to conjure with); all these unbearable, self satisfied, condescending, patrician cockdrips who plague us like some terrible rectal infestation.

Why do they do this? What drives them? I don't doubt that if asked, their answers would be somewhat along the lines of:

"I just want people to be healthy", or "I can't stand by while people ruin their lives", or even "The NHS is a common resource, we must take action now to preserve it". I think some of these desperate ball aches are so far gone they actually believe it.

Were you to raise a few salient points such as:

"People don't want you to interfere", or "You've advised them, isn't that sufficient?", then the rhubarb-rhubarb chorus would shift to:

"People don't always understand what's good for them" or "Education can only take matters so far, and then...(insert appropriate paternalistic crypto-fascist drivel here)".

You see, the problem with all these fucking people is that they're right. Oh, not 'right' as you and I understand the term, as in 'factually correct'. I mean the new, improved Right®, as in 'I'm right, and everyone else who doesn't see that and agree/comply in every particular NOW is a brainless fuckwit who is lower in evolutionary terms than whale-shit'. That sort of right.

That sort of right (Right®) can't be argued against because it doesn't recognise facts, logic, reason, humanity, compassion or fairness. It only recognises it's own fundamentalist frantically-masturbating-under-the-bedclothes rightness. It can't be negotiated with or accommodated for the same reasons. It is closed, sealed like some ghastly pseudo-moralistic cenotaph, a juggernaut festooned with junk science, creaking under it's intolerable load of bullshit and self-aggrandisement.

Which brings us back again to why. Why? If you don't buy into the compassionate, well meaning bollocks, and I certainly don't, what are we left with?

It can't be power, they already have it. Wealth? Not really, most of these individuals are doing very nicely thank you, at least by most people's standards. Honours? Regard? Hardly. They are professors, knights of the realm, OBE's, CBE's - you name it. Apart from Shenker of course, but as a stooge in a fakecharity he can expect something down the line no doubt.

So why? I can only offer one suggestion. This need to dominate, to control, to mould and to drive. This compulsion to interfere, to demonstrate the essential inferiority of anyone who is not one of their own, not in lockstep with their vision, their apotheosis of all that is Right®. What does it tell the rest of us? Those that are Wrong®?

Quite simply that they are mentally ill. It's the only thing that explains their hideous, narrow, violent misanthropy. Listen to the language they use as they advance their notions, how it drips with loathing and contempt for the untermenschen with their lager and their televisions, listen to them as they belittle our lives and our achievements and explain how we must be controlled, and corralled and bent to their vision, because they are Right® and the rest of us are Wrong®.

It's a form of megalomania. Once upon a time they might have claimed that they were Napoleon or Cæsar, now they are doctors and professors and only they are right.

Just listen to them, and then tell me I'm Wrong®.

BMA/Alcohol Concern conference earlier today

For a Wider Audience

2009-09-09T12:11:00.002+01:00

Our Flo, earlier today.

I give you the true inheritor(trix?) of Nightingale's legacy...

I was shocked to see that 78 per cent of people in your text poll* don't think the NHS should cut jobs.

I'm a nurse and I'd love to see some cuts. Far too many are paid a fortune to make terrible decisions and chase ridiculous targets. Bin them all and let's get back to making ill people better.

MD, Glasgow.

Make that woman President of the RCN without further delay, this is how health 'professionals' are supposed to think!

Quote from The Metro but I can't link directly.

HT That Wadsworth Bloke.

Memo to B&D: Yes I am hat-tipping him, he saved me a job/spotted something I didn't so good on 'im and fuck the pair o'yeez...

Here's to The Irish.

2009-09-08T15:04:00.003+01:00

A nascent totalitarian bloc, earlier today.

Courtesy of Hairy Chestnuts, this nameless Mick. A man with the Right Stuff, more power to his elbow!

Let's hope the sons and daughters of Erin show those EU pricks the door.

Oh, for Allah's Sake!

2009-09-06T17:30:00.007+01:00

Fasting for the Faithful, an Idiot's Guide

Oh arse. Oh arse, arse, arse. I had such high hopes for you, I really did.

Is there something about the Mayorality of London that fucks up braincells? What? What does this to people?

Boris Johnson has recommended that we all fast for Ramadan. This in order that we learn to understand Muslims better.

Look Boris, as a personal favour I'll walk you through this. The problem lies not in the fact that we don't understand Muslims. In a sane country we'd have no need to, an individual's religion being a matter for them and them alone etc. etc.

No. The problem lies in the fact that certain Muslims understand the boneheaded, fuckwitted jellies of our political class far, far too well.

Viz:

On Pimping, and the Brave Men Who Do It...

2009-09-05T20:02:00.016+01:00

Demetriou earlier today, Boatang is out of shot, strangling a puppy.

Boatang & Demetriou have some things to say on the topic of networking within the blogosphere. I'll put my hands up and admit that when I first got in to this game, I definately fell into the trap of using the virtual equivalent of skateboarding past the cool kids murmering 'My Friendship, you know you want it'.

Happily, I kicked that in the head fairly rapidly. I link quite prolifically, but only to people I think have something to say, who simply provide high grade entertainment, or valuable information.

Yes, it's a little incestuous at times, and yes I think perhaps from time to time arslikhan rears it's hoary head, but so what? Why people blog is a question with a multiplicity of answers, and wanting to belong is certainly one of these. In the current political and social climate a lot of people, and certainly libertarians feel pretty isolated, I know when I stumbled across blogistan it was a tremendous relief to find out it wasn't just me who thought the world had gone Dagenham. It felt like finding a few survivors of your own regiment in the middle of a full-scale rout, and it felt good. It gave me hope. Which is why I think we can all be forgiven for drifting into something of a siege mentality.

We look to eachother for support, which is good, but we can end up becoming insular and self referential, which is fucking stupid and self defeating. The day I de-list someone for saying something nasty about me, then take the gun to me; because I must be mutating into a lefty, and the end of that road will be CiF with my head up my arse and that's a fate I don't want to contemplate.

Which brings me to my main theme for tonight. The awards to which B&D refer do encapsulate a lot of the bollocks they were railing against, true. But, they led me on to a few new bloggers I didn't know about. That's good. In fact it's very good.

One such is Frank Davis. Like me, Frank enjoys a smoke, and like me, Noo Laybuh arbitrarily reduced his social life to ashes (no pun intended) as part of their fucking children's crusade against tobacco.

One of the reasons I'm such an erratic poster is that I'm still blithering around looking for my voice, and very frequently I find that even on subjects dear to my heart someone else not only got there first, but said it better. Being one of these blokes who, if he hasn't got anything worthwhile to say, shuts up; I often forbear to add my three ha'porth.

Frank's posts are genuinely moving. They carry a real, raw authenticity; speaking of yet another ordinary bloke struggling to make sense of what's been done to him and why. For that reason they often make uncomfortable reading, but they nevertheless demand to be read. They don't have the polished, witty venom of The Devil, or the concise intellectual bite of Legiron but they speak loud and clear for all that.

As I've no doubt mentioned before, I was disabled in an industrial accident at about 15:10 hours GMT on March the second 1978. On that day, at that hour, life as I'd known it finished. From then on, I was what the medical profession characterise as an 'incomplete paraplegic' (only they could concoct a piece of terminology that manages to imply that I'd made a half-arsed job of it), in short, in an instant I was 'de-normalised'.

'De-normalisation' is not a good thing. One lesson it has taught me, over and over again is that prejudice sucks arse. It ruins lives and blights society. It is a foul cancer, far worse than anything that ever came from a cigarette, exercised by individuals who are to be pitied and loathed in equal measure for their dirty, stunted little souls and despised for their ignorance and bone-headed counter productivity.

One thing I know, is that anyone who for whatever reason believes that wilfully engaging in a course of action that 'denormalises' other human beings is in any way either beneficial or justifiable is a manifestation of evil incarnate, and must be resisted - and stopped - by all people of good conscience.

'Denormalisation' is invariably undertaken by individuals who believe they know best what is good for everyone else, and their essential unshakeable confidence in their own rightness empowers them to do anything to anyone. It always leads, ultimately, to the same place.

We must not go there ever again.

.

Ronery, but Unbowed

2009-09-05T15:59:00.010+01:00

The Dear Reader, earrier today...

When I was figuratively mooning the proletarian arcadia that is the DPRK the other day, something occurred to me.

In this monument to subtle imagery...

A monument to subtre imagery, earrier today.

...we note the interesting tripartite handshake (clasp?) at the bottom. One guy is clearly white, one guy is clearly black; while the third is clearly... Er... Very white.

I suspect there may be a new recruit to the path of Songun. Has The Dear Leader converted the mighty Killface to the cause?

"Well, basically Glenn, it means 'Military First'..."

I don't know, but I think we should be told.

Of Prophets and Loss

2009-09-03T20:23:00.008+01:00

Coming soon, to a green and pleasant land near you...

If you haven't bookmarked Numberwatch, then do it now. The excellant Professor Brignell has much to say, none of it good.

For those of you with the stomach for it, he scries our brave new ecofuture. Ordinarily I would shrink from correcting him, but the title of this piece should read: The Time - The Near Future.

Some people are going to have some serious explaining to do. When that day dawns; and it will, their problem will lie in the fact that few - if any - will be inclined to listen.

EMK, the Corpse that Keeps on Giving...

2009-08-29T10:38:00.006+01:00

Terry Gilliam made me do it, earlier today.

A truly delicious skit on the Kennedy 'dynasty'. The death of 'Wayne' is worth a click in it's own right.

Heartily commended to everyone's bookmark list, the remarkable Iowahawk.

It Had to be Said

2009-08-27T10:50:00.002+01:00

Me, yesterday morning, earlier today (see what I did there?).

Yesterday, when I had a go at The Great Chappaquiddick Girl Drowner, Terrorist Cozener and Senator from the Great State of Massachusetts I caved in to my usual juvenile inclinations and took the piss.

Tom Paine being cut from weaker cloth caved in to an even unworthier impulse and allowed himself to grow up.

Which is why he says it all so, so much better.

Who the FUCK Writes These Things?

2009-08-26T21:53:00.010+01:00

What? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?

Evil Nurse From Hell just brought me this...

I mean seriously? What if my heart and breathing stops? You're DEAD you dozy fucker! It's nature's way of telling you you've had the dick. Terminally.

If you can't make out my postscript, it reads:

'Use in conjunction with: What is Rigor Mortis?'

Who? Why? What sort of a mind?

PS: Yes, I know the clinical definitions, and we've all seen the paddles and the 'clear' with the hoivin and the moivin and the high voltage; but find a medic and ask him or her how many times that jiggery-bollockry actually works...

Can Today Get Any Better?

2009-08-26T13:40:00.004+01:00

Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! FUCK OFF! WHOOOOOOOPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

At last! At last! Oh, let joy be unconfined! Let us now with unfetter'd foot, beat the ground with dancing!

Finally, this shite and all it's associated bacterial offshoots is gone to the sewer!

I had hoped, but these days my hopes are rarely fulfilled.

*Waits patiently by the graveside with a CD of 'I'm in the Mood For Dancing'*

Big Brother AND This Tool on the Same Day?

2009-08-26T11:08:00.010+01:00

Yes! Yes! YES! Ahahahahahahahahah!

So. Farewell Edward Moore Kennedy,
'Ah, youse IRA murderin' boyos are grand, so',
That was one of your catchphrases,
'I'll leave you to drown bitch',
That was another,
Keith's mum said you had a lovely head of hair,
But I thought you were a cunt,
So there.

With apologies to E. J. Thribb, 17½

In the Blue Corner

2009-08-25T21:11:00.006+01:00

Advocate free trade, sting like a bee.

The US Chamber of Commerce has had an idea. Simple, like all brilliant ideas, but having the potential to save the economies and ultimately the civilisation of the Western world.

It is this. Detailed over at the indispensible Watts Up With That and Witterings from Witney, they intend to force the charlatans and junk scientists of the EPA to hold a full open court hearing to determine the validity - or otherwise - of anthropogenic global warming theory.

If the misanthropic, anti-civilisation, flat-earth counter enlightenment is to be stopped, this is how it will happen. The only way to crush these maniacs once and for all is to get them out from under their MSM security blanket and hose them down with a little hard science.

Go to it, you bruisers. Carry the fight straight to the heart of the beast.

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Well Loved Growth in Emergency Op Shock

2009-08-21T12:32:00.014+01:00

One of the UK's best loved tumours has been admitted to St. Mary's Hospital, Paddington for urgent surgery to remove a malignant First Secretary of State. The tumour, known locally as Colin, was described by neighbouring cells as 'A lovely growth' and 'benign as you could wish for, not like that malevolent arsehole that surrounded him'.

Colin, earlier today.

Interviewed earlier, Colin had this to say. "Well, one day you're just dividing normally, dreaming of the day you can get on and metastasise and then wallop! You find you've developed an unelected fraudulent two-time loser"

Luckily for Colin, expert surgical assistance was available. Mr V. de Impaler, leader of the team was on hand to comment, "I took one look at the First Secretary and saw at once it was a particularly vile and destructive example of Oleaginus Rectum Horribilis, I was straight in there with my cordless Bosch I can tell you. That fucking thing went right in the bin. Anyway, can't stop to chat, David Cameron has an Ian Gilmore or Patronisum Patrician Cockporcus stuck up his arse. If I don't get rid of that thing PFQ we'll be up to our eyes in sodding bansturbators".

A malignant growth en route to a skip, earlier today.

Gordon Brown when reached for comment said "I'll be getting on with hard-working families, Obama this, Obama that, Obama the fucking other. Nnnnnnnneeeeeuuuuuurrrrr
rrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Gordon Brown is 9.

Songun Comrades Lead the World in Arslikhan!

2009-08-14T14:33:00.013+01:00

A Great Socialist Hero Falls.

He has been silent since last November, probably killed by a Barry Omaha* inspired orgasm, and now he is supplanted. I hope it is some consolation that he was trounced by a true ideological titan.

A Paladin of the Proletariat Arises!

I give you Comrade Dermot Hudson a man so far up Kim Jong Il's arse, he's on nodding terms with the Dear Leader's pancreas.

My sincere thanks to The Poor Mouth a new addition to my regulars, who kindly reminded me just how fucking deluded some people can be. Freedom for Tooting anyone?

Oh, by the way Comrade Hudson, what's wrong with this picture?

At least at night you can't see that people are starving.

You utter, utter, fuckwit.

*A reference to Spongebrain Fudgepants' gracious recognition of the US Army units which stormed 'Obama Beach' on the Sixth of June, 1944. Fucking imbecile.

ASH - Neueweltordnung!

2009-08-13T13:24:00.007+01:00

The excellant Gasdoc and Blad spotted our old friends at ASH taking little light exercise:

Einsatz auf Rauchen und Gesundheit, früher heute morgen.

But I was sure I'd seen the lying crypto-fascist cockbags somewhere else. Oh yes...

Well, I Had To...

2009-08-12T23:31:00.004+01:00

All the deep intelligent ones have piled in, so I will too...

Ladeez'n Gennumen, from a time before the nation went stark, staring, fucking Dagenham. From a time when this realm had both a sense of proportion and a sense of humour - essential foundations of any culture as I understand the definition - I give you this...

Measure the Thickness...

2009-06-30T15:35:00.007+01:00

Where a lot of effort seems to be concentrated...

Via Ambush Pusscat, this excellant post detailing the fallout from NooLaybah's wholesale sodomisation of the education system.

STUDENTS who failed to understand the words “despotic tyranny” have been complaining about their history A-level exam.

It is claimed the question “How far do you agree that Hitler’s role 1933-45 was one of despotic tyranny?” was too confusing for some students to understand.

A protest group called Despotic Tyranny Ruined My Life has been set up on Facebook.

So far 1,151 people have joined the group, leaving comments such as “My life is DESTROYED because of this exam. Seriously” and “This exam made me sad”.

The essay question featured on an Edexcel A Level exam paper sat last week.

A number of teachers have also posted comments on an online history teachers’ discussion forum, claiming that their students would not know what the words “despotic” and “tyranny” meant.

My sympathies lie entirely with the students in this. Yes, they sound like whining ninnies, and yes it looks as though the application of simple context is beyond them; but how were they brought to this?

People are not born knowing how to think. By thinking, I don't mean the inchoate stream-of-consciousness mental muzak that bounces aimlessly around the cranial vault like an endless game of 'pong'; I mean critical, logical, analytical thought.

This is a discipline that must be imparted through education. The political class doesn't like that stuff however, as it leads to their words and deeds being deconstructed by a literate and intelligent electorate, and that would never do.

Every effort of this double and thrice damned pack of boob-jobs has been concentrated on converting young people into docile, malleable sheep. Bulk stock churned out as fodder for the service industries, incapable of cogently questioning the predigested toss spewed by the government and the MSM. Just ask anyone under the age of twenty-five about any issue, from global warming to passive smoke and listen to the soundbites and clichés spill forth. Neatly programmed all.

Nice one Tony, Ed and the rest of you fuckwits. You've created a generation of young people who can't find their own arseholes with both hands and a searchlight.

I feel sorry for them, and for the rest of us.

Retribution Revisited

2009-06-26T20:12:00.004+01:00

Must try harder...

Two comments in an earlier post:

Great Big Billygoat Gruff said...

Wouldn't argue against ritual beheading for mendacious politicians but, we would need to turn it into a spectator sport, pour encourager les autres.

The Dome would do just nicely and has recently just become available.

We could franchise to Ticketmaster and al Jazeera as appropriate.

Who will be Mme Tricoteuse?

2:49 PM

Faux Cu said...

I second

They reminded me that I've been here before. My own (admittedly over engineered) solution to garbage disposal was floated here.

A Palpable Hit...

2009-06-25T16:26:00.003+01:00

Polly Toynbee, earlier today.

I can't off hand remember who linked to a thoroughly excellent piece of Toynbee fisting yesterday, so apologies for no HT. It led to Juliette who skipped nimbly into my daily reads list at first sight. Deliciously acute, enjoy.

In the Blue Corner...

2009-06-16T20:38:00.004+01:00

Do you like scary FoIA requests?

I've dropped a line to the Information Commissioner this evening, now to twiddle my bone-white skeletal thumbs...

ADDENDUM

Anonymous in the comments quite rightly asks what this relates to. Answer here.

Is it Really Just Me?

2009-06-04T17:35:00.003+01:00

Why?

Does anyone, anywhere actually find Alan Carr funny?

My, That Was Quick...

2009-06-04T17:19:00.006+01:00

Not strictly relevant, but I've been dying to use it.

No sooner had I posted than:

FOI Enquiries
British Broadcasting Corporation

4 June 2009

Dear Mac the Knife

The Information Commissioner's Office has agreed that the BBC is not
required to offer an internal review under the Act when the Act does not
apply to the information requested, as in this case.

You may appeal directly to the Information Commissioner's Office; the
details of how to do so are set out in the Appeal Rights section of the
letter. As noted in the letter, the Information Commissioner's Office
has already considered similar requests and decided that information
about the resources allocated to a particular story is not covered by
the Act.

Yours sincerely
Rachel Hallett

BBC Information Policy and Compliance
Room 2252, 2nd Floor, White City
201 Wood Lane
London W12 7TS, UK

Website: www.bbc.co.uk/foi
Email: mailto:[BBC request email]
Tel: 020 8008 2883
Fax: 020 8008 2398

Do I detect a slight hint of world weary impatience at my obtuseness? Perhaps I'm just getting a little sensitive in my old age.

No matter. Off to the Information Commissioner I think.

Tune in again, same Mac time, same Mac channel.

THE WORST IS YET TO COME!*

*Reference for readers old enough to remember when Batman aired on Saturday and Sunday nights consecutively...

So, Farewell...

2009-06-03T18:08:00.002+01:00

Squirrel Nutkin, earlier today.

So it ends, as Hazel falls on her acorn. No doubt she'll give the reason that it will enable her to spend more time raiding bird-tables.

Seconds Away, Round Two...

2009-06-03T17:55:00.006+01:00

Here I come again.

I know I'm pissing in the wind, but here we go...

To: British Broadcasting Corporation
Subject: Internal review of Freedom of Information request - Total costs incurred in television coverage of the United States Democratic Party Electoral Primaries, 2008

Dear Sir or Madam,

Thank you for your reply to FoI Act request ref: RFI20090631.

I am not satisfied that your grounds for invoking the Corporation's
derogation under the Act are either relevant or valid, and on that
basis request that you instigate an internal review of your
decision.

Yours sincerely,

Mac the Knife.

How I do wonder what the outcome will be...

Oh, I am SO Fucking Surprised...

2009-05-28T17:46:00.005+01:00

A BBC FoI Act info request response, earlier today.

A few weeks ago, I asked Auntie this.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Please submit the accurate total cost figure incurred by the BBC in securing, broadcasting and staffing television coverage of the United States Democratic Electoral Primary Contest in 2008.

You may, if you wish, break down the figures into individual areas of disbursement if you desire, but this is at your own option.

Yours faithfully,

Mac the Knife

The reply popped up in my inbox today, and guess what?

The BBC will not be providing you with the information you requested as we believe it is not
covered by the Freedom of Information Act 2000 (“the Act”).

You don't say? Why not?

The BBC has chosen not to volunteer information relating to the costs of coverage of particular
news stories for several reasons, chief amongst them being the need to maintain our
independence and impartiality.

Sorry? Don't quite see how you got there...

I’m sure you will be disappointed that we are not releasing this information to you and even when
we explain that we believe the Act doesn’t apply people often say that they believe that we should
release it anyway. That as licence fee payers they feel they are entitled to it. I would like to explain
why we are not doing so.

Disappointed? Oh no. Not at all. I'm experiencing a completely different emotion. Can you guess what it is yet?

You may not be aware that one of the main policy drivers behind the limited application of the Act
to public service broadcasters was to protect freedom of expression and the rights of the media
under Article 10 European Convention on Human Rights (“ECHR”). The BBC, as a media
organisation, is under a duty to impart information and ideas on all matters of public interest and
the importance of this function has been recognised by the European Court of Human Rights.
Maintaining our editorial independence is a crucial factor in enabling the media to fulfil this
function.

The Information Commissioner’s Office has recognised the importance of Schedule 1 of the Act in
protecting the independence of the media, stating that:

“It is the Commissioner’s view that the ultimate purpose of the derogation (Schedule 1) is
to protect journalistic, artistic and literary integrity by carving out a creative and
journalistic space for programme makers to produce programmes free from the
interference and scrutiny of the public.”1

The BBC agrees with this interpretation and believes that we have a need to protect our
journalistic and editorial independence by maintaining just such a private space in which to
produce our content. .

The decision as to which reporters or correspondents, and indeed how many of such staff to send
on a particular story, is one of the most fundamental editorial decisions that Newsgathering
undertakes. Despite the BBC’s obligation to be independent and impartial, many bodies, groups
and individuals attempt to influence our output and programme makers across the BBC must be
able to resist pressure directed at the editorial decisions made on resource allocation.

So, you won't tell me how much you spunked burying the coverage of the Lisbon Treaty, in order to ensure that you remain 'independent and impartial' and ensure your 'journalistic, artistic and literary integrity'.

Sorry folks, the boat sailed on all that bollocks some time ago.

Call me a scabby old cynic, but I see this as a pathetically transparent attempt to hide a specious, politically motivated mega-junket behind some very badly withered fig leaves. Not fucking good enough.

Appeal Rights

If you are not satisfied with this response you have the right to appeal to the Information
Commissioner. The contact details are: Information Commissioner's Office, Wycliffe House,
Water Lane, Wilmslow, Cheshire, SK9 5AF, telephone 01625 545 700 or see
www.informationcommissioner.gov.uk

Yours sincerely

Stephanie Harris
Head of Accountability, BBC News

Way, way ahead of you Stephanie.

Watch this space.

As if I Needed any Proof...

2009-05-25T18:08:00.004+01:00

Courtesy of the East African Feline Enumeration Unit:

Apologies for my continued absence, but owing to a frigging insect bite I have right arm the size of a Xmas ham, and am reduced to typing one handed. Arse.

The Clarity of an Honest Voice

2009-05-01T16:18:00.004+01:00

A little clarity, earlier today.

I have lifted this en bloc from the comments section of Professor Michael Siegel, possibly the only honest individual left in the tobacco control industry. He can be read here.

Higher taxes "may" have a disproportionate affect on the poor? Have all the abstractions of ideology and academic debate and policy completely isolated you from the reality of human experience?

You could sell cigarettes for $100 per pack, and a wealthy smoker would never even know that anything had changed. Yet raising the price even $1.00 a pack forces poor people to re-arrange their entire lives in response to other peoples' legal violence against them. Where is the autonomy in that? Where's the dignity in that? Where's the justice in that?

You can create abstract lists of benefits using pencil and paper all day long, but how are these forced income reductions benefiting the working poor, exactly? Especially when their effects are imperceptible to the rich?

Why is cancer regarded as such a horror because it "shortens" life, yet a life of poverty becomes more and more acceptable the deeper they are pushed into poverty, and the longer their poverty (life) is prolonged? There's nothing to debate here if you're concerned with real, living human beings at all, rather than "10.73%", "340 kids" and "400,000 dead", "an average reduction of 3 cigarettes per day" and other symbols and statistics written on pieces of paper. These are real human beings who are being devastated by these taxes.

These outrageous tax increases transform smoking into an exclusive privilege of the rich. Any poor smoker who attempts to simply do what they have always done, and nothing more (which is absolutely, positively as much their right as it is for the rich), is utterly devastated by these extortions. Is there any humanity at all in this tobacco debate? My God, I wish I did have cancer, just to escape so much inhumanity. I would bow before God in gratitude for taking me away from so much hate and human stupidity.

Anti-smokers make this world such a miserable place to live in. They portray the world, and life itself, as a dangerous and miserable place, yet they endlessly pursue a longer life. I have never witnessed a movement in my lifetime that is permeated with so much evil, stupidity, and sheer inhumanity, no matter how much rhetoric it spews about trying to prevent suffering.

Just open your door and look outside. Feel the sun on your face. Listen to the birds. Splash around in a stream or lake. We are privileged to live in a truly gorgeous world. And anti-smokers turn all of this beauty and joy into something more sickening than a black lung.

Anti-smokers CREATE misery, and suffering, and conflict, and guilt, and shame, and oppression, and stress, and segregation, and isolation, and so many other horrific things that did not exist before they began devoting their lives to worrying about what other people were doing with theirs. Meanwhile, cancer exists even without tobacco. Who is really creating a preventable problem here?

My God, a poor man works his ass off all day, and doesn't ask for anything more in return than the pleasure of a good smoke as his only "luxury" in a lifetime of hard work. Yet while he's at work, his income is reduced by arbitrary taxes that are sent directly to his persecutors. Meanwhile his children are at school being taught that their father, who loves them dearly, is "killing" them. You call that a movement that benefits society, in any way, shape or form? How can you find benevolence in this? This is human evil at its most obscene, and absurd. Again I ask, what is the matter with you people?

And I say this giving you, Dr. Siegel, full credit for being one of the good guys, as far as anyone who devotes their life to the concept of "control" can be regarded as a decent human being at all. For my part, I'd prefer a world where nobody was concerned with "control". Just live your life the best you can and be grateful for it every day, rather than wasting your life mourning the fact that it will one day end.

The lack of gratitude for life I witness among anti-smokers is just astounding. They always want more, more, more, and then still more. More control over other people. More laws. More regulations. More taxes. More studies. More grants. More publicity. More time on television. One more day added to their life. More money siphoned off of hard-working smokers. More, more, more. This is the most deranged group of people I have ever seen. Why isn't mental illness at the top of anyone's priority list, rather than tobacco control?

How dare you make a tame suggestion that these taxes "may have a disproportionate effect on the poor". These taxes are utterly devastating to poor people, and the sadistic anti-smokers who imposed those taxes are laughing at their victims' suffering, all the way to the bank. Stop writing academic arguments in your sleep, and wake up to the obvious reality of what the anti-smoking movement is really all about. These people are sociopaths.
Paul | 04.21.09 - 1:32 am | #

I have nothing to add, even if I enjoyed this level of eloquence, which I do not.

Just Out of Curiosity...

2009-04-27T16:45:00.003+01:00

My entertained suspicions, earlier today...

...just how much brass did they spunk away on this little junket?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Please submit the accurate total cost figure incurred by the BBC in securing, broadcasting and staffing television coverage of the United States Democratic Electoral Primary Contest in 2008.

You may, if you wish, break down the figures into individual areas of disbursement if you desire, but this is at your own option.

Yours faithfully,

Mac the Knife

Thought I'd put this interesting little toy to good use...

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways...

2009-03-11T15:58:00.005Z

A besotted arse, earlier today.

Courtesy of the Super, Soaraway
Spun, we discover this little gem:

THE WHIP is contacted by a source who works for the company involved in the G20 Summit being held at Excel in London’s Canning Town next month.

“Although smoking is banned within work places in the UK and has been a vigorously enforced Labour policy, it is being allowed at the G20 summit – indeed, there is a smoking lounge,” he reports.

Words sometimes fail me, which is a little awkward when writing a blog, but really.

What two-faced, double dealing, hypocritical arse-candles.

Didn't feel like flaunting their 'progressive' credentials to our foreign visitors?

HT F2C & Master Puddlecote.

And Now I Know

2009-03-03T15:47:00.002Z

When the fiendishly inventive Lawson Narse e-mailed me his graphic of Count Mandy of Bumfondle, I knew not from whence he came.

I do now. Always worth a visit...

I May Be Some Time...

2009-02-15T22:52:00.003Z

I wonder where that fishy went...

I'm away to the Chamber of Horrors (a certain NHS hospital) for a week for some intensive physical therapy.

Assuming I survive, I'll be in circulation next weekend. Have fun, and don't do anything too naughty until I get back.

PS: I've marked the labels in the booze cabinet, so don't.

I Cannot Stand Idly By

2009-02-14T18:51:00.002Z

Just when you thought it was safe to fire up your browser, Ya Man's back on the plot. Not only that, but he's the victim of a terrible conspiracy.

He has called upon the Blogosphere, and the Blogosphere will answer!

I'm with you Twenty! Together we'll break the bastards.

So, Just Why Do They Say These Things? Part Three

2009-02-14T17:31:00.014Z

No Happiness Suckers! Logo earlier today

In parts one and two of this little opus, I fisked these two unconscionable twats, and addressed the increasing politicisation of the medical establishment and health 'professionals' in general.

Fisking is something I rarely do, if only because there are other bloggers who do the whole job far better, but I made an exception in this case owing to the fact that I'm getting really pissed off with these people.

What really strikes me these days is the sheer boneheaded illogicality of their whole position. Every one of their infuriating, intrusive and prescriptive initiatives is designed with one end in mind, to prolong our existence.

On the one hand, we're told that we face a demographic time bomb and that for the first time the number of people over the age of sixty-five outnumbers those below the age of sixteen, that we need to brace for an explosion in the incidence of dementia, and that cancer rates are rising steadily despite all their myriad interventionist strategies. On the other we are exhorted to do everything we can to prolong our existence.

I say exhorted, but matters have progressed way beyond mere encouragement. Now a ceaseless barrage of legislation and propaganda assails every sense, every day, all day. The only surcease comes when we sleep, but I'm sure some restless NuLabour apparatchik has read their Huxley, and enforced 'education' is on it's merry way.

Why, if the NHS is at breaking point, our elderly care service is shuddering towards collapse, and our pensions system is dying on it's arse, are we being corralled into this brainless stampede toward longevity as an end in and of itself?

What, exactly is the logic underpinning extending existence, when all that awaits are the diseases and indignities that inevitably accompany old-age? When every authority acknowledges that the resources to manage an aging population simply aren't there, why are they hell-bent on expanding that very same population?

I've no answer to that question. I personally think every single one of them has gone completely out of their tiny little minds.

The medics? Well. I can't help wondering when exactly they lost their critical faculties to the extent that can't differentiate any more between simple existence, and life as I understand the term.

Endlessly grinding on in some buddhist manqué exercise in self denial, for the privilege of paying ever more numerous and inventive taxes holds limited appeal for me. I got myself crippled very nicely thank you in an industrial accident in 1978, in the last few years I've gone still further down the nick and I take what pleasures I have left very seriously indeed, believe you me. Unfortunately, my pleasures now conflict with what our masters think I ought to like, and that's made a bit of a mess of things.

I know I'm not alone in feeling that these interfering fucks need to be shown the door, the Man on the Nag encapsulates it all quite pithily thus:

Bottom line here. Doctors should heal the sick. They should not take it upon themselves to tell us how to live our lives and they should not be in the business of making law – if they want to do that, give up the doctoring and stand for parliament

The same message should be tattooed on the foreheads of all denizens of QANGOS, fake charities, pressure groups and every other stripe of 'activist' who know too well how democracy would eat them up and shit them out, but have found various ways to subvert the process.

There's a Warm Glow in my Ashtray Tonight...

2009-02-13T23:33:00.004Z

I'd invite The Man from Ceos to offer this chap one of his legendary coconuts...

...but to utter such heresy in the land of NuLabour indicates that he has a big hairy pair of his own.

Thank you Sir.

HT Taking Liberties.

Horse(back) Sense...

2009-02-13T23:22:00.001Z

From the man on the nag:

No, no, no. Atheism is a lack of belief in gods. It is not – despite what the righteous might try to say – a belief system or a religion. It is a lack of belief. Nothing more, nothing less. Let them get away with this, and another word will be lost in the same way that “liberal” became usurped and twisted into its exact opposite. We must not allow them to steal our language. That is how they steal our liberty.

Just so. As is usual with my saddle-sore colleague, if you don't read the rest you're cheating yourself.

Out of the Mouth of Clowns...

2009-02-13T23:03:00.006Z

The Clown, earlier today.

Seen earlier at Maison Coco:

When I'm with my friends, we compete to find the most outrageous and offensive things to call each other. We impugn each other's sexuality, parentage and character in ways that would probably make Harriet Harman explode.

As do most of us I suppose. A large number of my circle of friends are ex-armed forces, so insulting us is a largely redundant pastime. We've all been worked over by real professionals, and are now impermeable to anything less than light artillery.

However, there are other games to play...

A lorra, lorra filth...

Back in the day, before proceeding to the pub, my mates and I would watch this steaming heap of Mandelson when it was compered by Cilla. We played a little game, wherein we had to come up with the three most hideous and outrageous questions a contestant could ask the damsel du jour.

Oh, we came up with some corkers. Feel free to play in the comments section, don't be shy.

Bragging rights to the winner...

If You Watch Nothing Else This Month...

2009-02-10T23:13:00.003Z

Watch this...

Courtesy of HSM.

This Just In...

2009-02-08T23:13:00.003Z

Courtesy of the remarkably creative Lawson Narse...

Extracted from Mrs. Beeton's 'The Complete Sausage-Jockey'

So, Just Why Do They Say These Things? Part Two.

2009-02-07T22:36:00.006Z

"I'm a Libertarian by nature"

I've been waiting for a while to air this one, as I feel it's an observation that needs making. All I lacked was a suitable topic to segué in with. Professor Maryon-Davis obliged very nicely.

Recent history is replete with examples of one very deeply repugnant tendency. That of medical establishments (that is to say the upper-echelons of the profession) to gravitate to the nastiest, cruellest, most morally bankrupt of political and/or governmental philosophies.

From the charming alumni of the SS Medical School at Alte Reise, to the Soviet medics working the psychiatric hospitals, keeping their charges whacked out on Triftazine it's the usual suspects.

What is it about people who (theoretically) start off wanting to heal and better the condition of humanity that they end up in a diametrically opposed position?

Doctors in my experience (and I have a lot of it), are imbued with an acute sense of entitlement. Why shouldn't they be? After decades of gruelling study, and a post-graduate regime that appears to owe more to Tom Brown's Schooldays than to Casualty, who the hell wouldn't? It's one profession that I unequivocally defer to as deserving every reward that society can bestow on them.

There are however, as I see it, two crumbs in the lemonade. Firstly, the profession has a bad habit of admitting some individuals who, while possessing the requisite scientific and academic attributes are fundamentally stupid emotionally. Which is to say, they are possibly callous, venal, contemptuous of others and so lacking in empathy that I wouldn't entrust them with the care of a potted cactus, leave alone a human being.

The second, which is a little more complex is that Doctor's regard used to derive from the community of which they were a part. They were automatically respected and deferred to, and as a result were integral pillars of society by virtue of joining the club.

The development of the NHS has fundamentally altered the balance of that relationship, and as it has careered onwards, expanding into an unmanageable empire the situation has worsened. Nu-Labour's deeply unpleasant and poisonous need to politicise every organisation with which they interact has exacerbated matters still further.

As senior members of the profession derive more and more of their patronage from the state, and are increasingly exposed to our revolting political class, they seem to absorb more and more of their repellant characteristics. When mixed with the sort of intellectual hubris endemic among some senior medics we see the development of a very dangerous pathology.

Some medics you see, believe that their achievements not only qualify them for the highest benefits befitting higher professionals, but that they confer on them some form of intellectual and moral apotheosis; to the point where they feel themselves utterly superior to us ordinary mortals (the Consultant system may play a rôle in this, and I may return to it later), with the inevitable consequence that they view the general public almost as herd animals.

This would explain their Nazi and Soviet counterparts, where professional detachment mutates into absolute indifference to and contempt for those who do not belong/conform/comply. In short, hubris + politicisation = Maryon-Davis et al.

Normal, real Doctors in the Dr. Rant and Dr. Crippen mould don't seem to feel the need to behave like god's anointed, and confine themselves to stupid old fashioned things like... Oh, treating the sick and giving advice. Super-inflated bullshit factories cum proto-fascists like Maryon-Davis, Donaldson and the rest of them long, long ago discarded such antedeluvian wank for more enjoyable and dare I say it, profitable activities.

At the height of the Roman Empire, victorious generals were granted a formal Triumph to parade their troops and spoils of war through the streets of the capital. Throughout the procession, a slave would stand at their shoulder, periodically whispering "Remember thou art but mortal" to them, to avert the jealous anger of the gods.

Perhaps normal Doctors could set aside a couple of hours a month to seek out one or more of these evil-minded, didactic fuckers; ram a cattle prod up their socket and as they key the switch whisper "Be a Doctor, not a cunt" in their ears.

Just a thought.

So, Just Why Do They Say These Things? Part One.

2009-02-07T15:54:00.013Z

Professor Alan Maryon-Davis, 'Libertarian' earlier today...

This, has attracted the attention of quite a few of the big guns, and rightly so.

Between this arrogant cock-slot and his soul-mate, Liam, I don't know which to strangle/shoot/eloctrocute/immolate first.

Apparently, we're all dying to have our little bottoms spanked by Nanny, because we can't act in our own best interests. Despite all the endless bitching, nagging and hectoring; some of us (quiet at the back!) still insist on drinking, smoking and eating largely what we like. Curse those stupid proles and their evil new-fangled 'free will', this has got to stop!

On the contrary, there's plenty of evidence that people want to see the government doing more to help us avoid big killers like heart disease, stroke and cancer

Not from where I'm standing Al. All I hear from everyone I know is variations on the theme of "Will they ever fuck off and leave us alone", and it's not always me leading the chorus either.

I see an increasing acceptance that we, all of us, need not only more information and guidance from government, but also more legislation to save us from ourselves

Where? Where the fuck do you see anything that equates to how Joe Soap feels about anything at all?

And to my mind the really shining example of how far the public have come in accepting laws to help protect us from self-harm is the huge support for smoke-free public spaces and workplaces throughout the UK

That'll be the support that's destroyed the livelihoods of thousands of publicans, their staff and suppliers since July 2007 then? The support for this measure lives solely in the febrile imaginations of professional dick-holders like you and your fellow travellers. The havoc in the hospitality industry depicts the reality.

This has already saved many lives and will, I believe, prove to be the greatest step forward in public health since the birth of the NHS.

Evidence? Nah, thought not.

But it was ordinary people who really tipped the balance to change the law. It was the steady shift in public opinion that gave legislators the courage. It proved that we, the people, can have a powerful influence on the way laws can be made on our behalf.

I strongly believe we should exercise that influence much more

It was filthy lie-factories like this one, bloated on taxpayers cash and hand-in-glove with special interest groups and corporate agendas, given unfettered access to an uncritical media you mean.

We need a big stick to curb the worst excesses of the various commercial interests who shape our lifestyle

Yes we do, a very big stick. Then we can ram it right up your socket. Sideways.

This is not 'nannying'. This is responsible government acting on behalf of a consenting public

How the fuck would you know? Leave alone the fucking government. The only people they don't listen to comprise the general public. The rest of the time they, and the 'opposition' listen either to groups of arse-creepers who can be guaranteed to come up with the right answer, or misanthropic single-issue dilletantes like this self-propelled heap of bumwad.

Campaigns, guidelines and voluntary codes aren't enough. We need more laws to ensure that the world in which we live, work and play will help promote and protect our health

Yep. It's those dimwitted neanderthals spending their money on what they want, and using their free time to do what they want again. What unutterable bastards eh?

The cherry on this wholly disagreeable bun came quite early in his diatribe on the Toady programme, when he prefixed his fascist twaddle with:

"I'm a Libertarian by nature"

Utterly priceless. I'll just run this through the Mac the Knife Horseshite Translation System®...

I'm a Libertarian where it concerns me and people who think just like me. We'll kick the serfs into touch, and then we'll go on living like Mughal emperors off the public tit. I'm sure the drones will be much happier rooting around for whatever swill we permit them in their little sties. They'll live years longer, and keep generating taxes for me and people like me to keep spunking away devising ways to make them even more miserable. Another bottle of Veuve-Cliquot '76 Torquil?

I love these people, I really, really do.

HT The Englishman

I Had To...

2009-02-03T01:43:00.004Z

A bus, earlier today

Who could resist? Herein, Resistance actually is useless!

HT: Mr. E

A Small Death in the Family

2009-01-29T16:06:00.005Z

Roobarb in happier times.

Farewell to old Roobarb, who died peacefully in his sleep on Tuesday afternoon for no readily apparent reason.

He was a loopy, lazy, incredibly greedy food-ponce with a definate sense of humour and character all his own.

I know non-cat people don't get it, but a downed cat leaves a definate hole in the household fabric.

He's been interred in a spot in the garden which will get the summer sun nearly all day, wherein he can rest in furry Valhalla and dream of torturing little feathered things for all eternity.

Thought I'd Have a Go Too...

2009-01-23T02:02:00.001Z

Confirm your new petition to the Prime Minister - 'Call an immediate General Election, we the people have no confidence in this Government, and demand the right to select your successors without further delay.'‏

It's waiting approval by 'The No. 10 team'. I await developments with interest.

Link to follow?

Quote of the Day

2009-01-21T21:00:00.004Z

As always, the exemplary Leg-iron nails the situation with surgical accuracy:

We don't like being told what to do. We will do the opposite of what we are told to do, for no other reason than that we were told to do it.

If government realised that, this would be a much easier country to govern and a much better place to live.

Really. The man makes me sick. I'm going to have a nice lie down with my thesaurus.

Ask Not What MtK Can Do For You...

2009-01-21T04:20:00.004Z

Courtesy of Samizdata, this fun little gewgaw.

My fellow Americans, today is a moist day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "dishwasher", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually grope.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces ugly and feculent challenges like never before. Our economy is flatulent. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for goitres. Our healthcare system is foul. If your sphincter is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a solicitor. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a bat divebomber. But fondling together we can right this ship, and set a course for Stoke Poges.

Finally, I must thank my thick family, my slimy campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank masochists for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of exposing the American people. Without your warty efforts, none of this would have been possible.

See, even I can do it...

What a Toothsome Little Notion

2009-01-21T01:52:00.012Z

His Satanic Majesty has had a small flash of genius.

These days, more and more of us are falling victim to the deceitful and distasteful practice of astroturfing. This is where an organisation (usually a government) will fund a front organisation which then purports to be a grassroots campaign force while simply supporting their paymaster's policies.

An ideal example of this is Action on Smoking and Health, a particularly cynical and blatant lie factory; which while purporting to be a charity is almost completely funded by the Department of Health and sundry fellow travellers. If they were reliant on donations, they couldn't even afford to rent an office.

DK has also noticed this explosion in 'charities' that continually pontificate on our lifestyles, life choices etc. etc.; in terms which are remarkably synchronus with whatever hobby horse Spongebrain Fudgepants and his Carnival of Turds happen to be trying to stuff down our throats at any given time.

Thus the government can turn around with a thick sheaf of bog-roll statistics and say, with a straight face, "Seventy-eight percent of all UK householders want us to shove red hot pokers up their bung-holes, this charity's research proves it".

Astroturfing started in the USA, but the EU was very quick to see the possibilities and routinely funds organisations to tell them (and more importantly us) what they want to hear. Needless to say, our 'government' always on the lookout for dirty and disreputable ways to fuck and rape the (taxpaying) electorate, siezed on the notion like Mandy on a Moroccan rent-boy.

Accordingly, Satan's decided to start this indispensible new accessory for the well jaundiced cynic-about-town.

Fill your boots ladies and gentlemen, let's get the list populated with these fuckers ASAP, and then spread the word.

Man Your Battle Stations

2009-01-19T00:08:00.005Z

Tomorrow, the USA inaugurates a new messiah, sorry, President. Bearing in mind how the mendacious filth that infests the Westminster whorehouse used Heathrow expansion to try and camouflage their vile behaviour last week; be on your guard for the rest of this week.

Viddy well o my brothers. Viddy well.

More Proof if Any Were Needed...

2009-01-12T00:07:00.003Z

...that cats hate to lie on their backs.

Roobarb hating lying on his back, earlier today.

Also:

Roobarb hating lying on his back even more, earlier today.

And it Just Goes On and On...

2009-01-10T22:13:00.003Z

A Government data store, earlier today.

Via the estimable Master Puddlecote, a little more NuLabour hands-down-the-back-of-our-trousers bullshit.

From March all internet service providers (ISPs) will by law have to keep information about every e-mail sent or received in the UK for a year.

What is it with our masters?

When the intelligence and security services are constantly searching for needles in haystacks, what on earth is the point in constantly adding more and bigger fucking haystacks?

These people are beyond stupid.

UPDATE

Longrider's on it too.

Chapati, Sodomy and the Lash...

2008-12-31T20:27:00.006Z

The original Vikramaditya, earlier today.

Lurking around the net earlier today, I made a regular stop at Samizdata where Michael Jennings was kind enough to share some of his photos with us insular types. One of which was a photo taken in a Chinese port, featuring an aircraft carrier with decidedly Russian naval architecture.

That stirred my curiosity, so I searched for further information. I didn't get quite what I expected though. One of the images spat out was for the INS Vikramaditya.

A bit more digging gave me this:

A big, naughty boat, earlier today.

This was formerly the Admiral Gorshkov, which began it's life as the Aviation Carrier Baku, withdrawn from Russian Navy service circa 1993.

She's now to the best of my understanding with the Indian Naval Service renamed Vikramaditya.

Now don't misunderstand me, if India wants a deep-water navy that's fine by me. If India wants Soviet built hardware, that's fine likewise; I have a soft spot for Russian ship design, they have a knack for elegant multi-purpose solutions after all.

No, what bugs me is that our cretinous PM recently announced this.

Why are we funding a military spending splurge in the Indian Ocean. Why are we effectively buying India force-projection hardware that the RN can only dream about, while all our armed forces are scraping around for basic kit?

Why are we cursed with a government of such stupefying idiocy and wastefulness?

It fucked my New Year up, just thought I'd share the love.

All the best for 2009, but I'm not exactly bursting with optimism.

This the MTK Home Service, Here is the News...

2008-12-29T18:04:00.009Z

A view from the studio, earlier today...

A New Year message to the Government, the Department of Health, the Home Office, ASH, CRUK, the BHF, WRAP, Alcohol Concern, the Hamster Marketing Council, the Haemhorroid Management Foundation and all the rest of you interfering, lying, useless, sponging parasitical bastards.

As of midnight, December the thirty-first 2008 I am appointing you all to take over as my Sexual Advisory Council, so that in the future:

A triumph of optimism over experience, earlier today.

Another Xmas Present...

2008-12-24T19:04:00.003Z

An addition to the ranks of the right-thinking is this chap.

Lots of jolly good sense. Carve yourself off a thick slice, and enjoy with a large scotch.

A merry Christmas to my reader (you know who you are, Mrs. Flange of Didcot), and a more hopeful New Year.

Thought For The Day

2008-12-21T06:17:00.003Z

A Tab Packet, earlier today.

Could the Christmas truce of 1914 have been possible without cigarettes? Discuss.

In the above photo, does Jeremy Vine look:
A cunt A prize cunt A total prize cunt A massive, biblically humungous mega-cunt All of the above Very stylish (us cunts must stick together)
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